(written December 12th)

how far along: 9 weeks and 2 days

size of baby: olive

maternity clothes: not yet! still can comfortably fit in jeans.

symptoms: I was able to get an appointment with the on-call doctor at my doctors office and have medicine now! they gave me an antibiotic and cough pills. they said since I had had the cough for so long and it wasn’t a productive cough it was time to intervene. the cough was causing aches and lack of sleep! and the cough in excess made me gag and feel nauseous. but other than that (weakened immune system woes) and fatigue no other symptoms. hopefully the meds will kick in and help soon!

cravings/aversions: I made some rotel with deer sausage for my student workers and it tasted amazing and I wanted more. but then I didn’t like it the next day. nothing else to report.

movement: too soon still. ready though!

sleep: the cough is majorly messing with my sleep!

gender: no idea, hoping for boy for hubs, happy with either, no feelings of what it might be either way.

looking forward to: NOT COUGHING!

worries: sleeping at someone else’s house this weekend and worried I might not sleep well or cough all night, but most worries and fears about the baby are calm for now.

milestones: pretty uneventful week, but the baby is still healthy and growing and that’s always a milestone to me!

best moment this week: we told our church family on Sunday! it was our pastor’s idea. we lit the advent candle and William worked it into his speech. it was a very sweet moment that I’ll never forget! also, SNOW DAY! like real snow, not Mississippi snow!

Other posts: Finding Out | Four Weeks | Five Weeks | Six Weeks | Seven Weeks | Eight Weeks

(written December 5th)

outfit: non-maternity short sleeve swing top from Belk’s Eyeshadow plus brand. non-maternity cardigan from Target. non-maternity ponte pants from Belk’s Crown and Ivy brand. 

how far along: 8 weeks and 2 days

size of baby: raspberry

maternity clothes: I can still wear jeans, but definitely prefer stretchy pants.

symptoms: still battling a cold so the weakened immune system is in full force. fatigue has been

less this week and so have bathroom issues. still no throwing up or morning sickness!

cravings/aversions: pickles! I want a million McAlister’s pickles. And mexican food. no major aversions, but not crazy about sweets.

movement: too early

sleep: better this week, less potty breaks it seems.

gender: still hoping for a boy for william. some wives tales point to boy, some point to girl.

looking forward to: being out of the most risky trimester! and knowing the gender.

worries: currently none other than worrying that William will be disappointed if it is a girl.

milestones: we had our follow up ultrasound and the baby’s heartbeat was 179! from 89 to 179 and the doctor was ecstatic. the baby also looks sort of human-ish now!

best moment this week: hearing the heartbeat, knowing that the heart rate is good and baby seems good, and seeing it look like more than a grain of rice! it felt a little more real.

Other posts: Finding Out | Four Weeks | Five Weeks | Six Weeks | Seven Weeks

(written November 29th)

how far along: 7 weeks and 3 days

size of baby: blueberry

maternity clothes: no, jeans still fit, but again definitely prefer the loose stretchy pants.

symptoms: sick this week! just a cold, but can’t take meds. prunes and prune juice are helping other issues. feeling queasy every now and then but peppermints or a snack help. smells haven’t really bothered me, but today the smell of my own HAIR made me want to throw up… weird!

cravings/aversions: I meal planned yesterday and all I wanted on the menu was mexican food. I also HAD to have taco bell for lunch today. I mean I normally love mexican food anyway, but now it seems to be one of the only things I think about and want vs. just tolerating. Also, I have ALWAYS hated pepperoni pizza and sausage pizza. I tried them both this week and it turns out the pregnant me like both!

movement: still too early! ready for some though.

sleep: a little better this week, but still lots of night bathroom breaks.

gender: no idea, hoping/praying for a boy for William’s sake.

looking forward to: the follow up sonogram in less than a week!

worries: having irrational fears for the first time about miscarriage, particularly about “silent miscarriage,” which I didn’t know existed. thanks what to expect app community boards… swearing those off now!

milestones: I got an applicator for my progesterone (doctor didn’t say I needed it, but I asked and she said it won’t hurt anything to take it, so I said yes) and now that nightly ritual is much easier!

best moment this week: the dad ornament I got for William came in! can’t wait to give it to him.

outfit: non-maternity 3/4 sleeve swing tunic top from WetSeal plus. non-maternity work pants from Belk’s Kim Rogers plus brand.

Other posts: Finding Out | Four Weeks | Five Weeks | Six Weeks

(written November 24th)

outfit: non-maternity long sleeve flowy peasant top from Belk’s Lucky plus brand. non-maternity work pants (aka “fat pants”) from Belk’s Kim Rogers plus brand.

how far along: 6 weeks and 5 days

size of baby: sweet pea

maternity clothes: nope. and I can still fit in my jeans! however, my “fat pants” are much comfier.

symptoms: still very sleepy, and tmi, but major constipation issues.

cravings/aversions: reheated leftover thanksgiving turkey wasn’t my favorite, and not all thanksgiving food was appealing.

movement: too soon!

sleep: lots of middle of the night using the bathroom.

gender: no idea, but my skin is dry and some people say boy and I’m not sick which also points to boy, but I don’t think all those rules really work.

looking forward to: being done with the first trimester!

worries: ready for my next appointment to know the heartbeat is higher.

milestones: we had our first appointment! baby looks like a grain of rice. doctor said everything looks good. heartbeat was 89 and she would like it to be higher so going back in 2 weeks.

best moment this week: SO MANY! seeing the baby and tiny heart thump, finally realizing we’re pregnant, telling family over thanksgiving, SO GREAT!

Other posts: Finding Out | Four Weeks | Five Weeks

(written November 15th)

how far along: 5 weeks and 3 days

size of baby: orange seed

maternity clothes: not yet! and my pants feel looser this week thank goodness. I guess some of the initial bloating went down. last week I did order some “fat” pants haha. but I think I’ll be able to wear my real pants a little longer.

symptoms: SO FREAKING TIRED! like want to go to bed at 8 o’clock, fall asleep at my desk, more than once a day tired. felt a little queasy this morning and once before but both times were mostly fleeting, hand tingling at night, tender parts, oh the hormonal moodiness! mainly irritability but also emotional.

cravings/aversions: nothing to speak of yet.

movement: too early for that.

sleep: lots of tossing and turning. finally started propping both arms and that helped with arm/hand tingling.

gender: no idea or guesses, just want a healthy baby! hubs is hoping for a boy.

looking forward to: first appointment and seeing that heartbeat! less than a week away.

worries: still worried about miscarriage, but no signs of that so far.

milestones: we started talking about the nursery for the first time and are both on the same page with colors and style. I also started reading the newest version of What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

best moment this week: sweet friends and family who know checking on me is so thoughtful and gives me the warm fuzzies. also, William is just so incredible and patient and kind and serving and just wonderful. he handles the moodiness like a champ and does anything and everything I ask from rubbing my back to getting me a ginger ale to things I don’t ask or expect like driving to the next town to hunt down Christmas Cookies icecream.

outfit: non-maternity striped floral long sleeve swing top from Walmart.com from the MOA brand (sold on Walmart’s website, but not a Walmart brand). non-maternity distressed jeggings from JCPenney’s ANA brand.

Other posts: Finding Out | Four Weeks

So, when I told a coworker I was pregnant she was over-the-moon excited and immediately told me about a friend of hers who blogged/journaled each week of her pregnancy. She encouraged me to do it. The friend wrote each week for each of her pregnancies and made the posts private until the information was public and then set them all to public. I checked out her friend’s blog, as I promised I would, and decided to do it! I was nervous about actually posting them though and that someone could somehow see it before I was ready for them to, so I did it all in a Google Doc and transferred them over. I decided to use the same questions she answered (minus the weight gain one, no need to talk about that haha).

The same friend also encouraged me to take pictures. I was reluctant because as a plus size women I already felt like I looked pregnant before a baby was even a discussion. BUT, I talked myself into it because I want to celebrate my baby! I don’t want looking or feeling fat or fatter or whatever to keep me from celebrating the life inside me. So am I aware that my belly already looked big before I was pregnant and probably won’t look much different and just big or bigger in each pic? Yes. Do I care? No! And does this baby (and my body for growing it) deserve to be celebrated no matter what? YES! So let’s just deal with my awkward mirror selfies.

(written November 10th)

outfit: non-maternity long sleeve plaid swing tunic top from Walmart.com from MOA brand (sold on Walmart’s website but not their brand). non-maternity black jeggings from JCPenney’s ANA brand.

how far along: 4 weeks and 4 days

size of baby: poppy seed, teeny tiny

maternity clothes: nope, but my pants already feel snug, assuming from the bloating according to apps, and I mean most shirts these days are kinda all maternity-ish

symptoms: SO TIRED, have to pee a lot, bloated, tender parts

cravings/aversions: I read that I needed daily dairy intake, so I remembered I had chocolate milk powder and currently loving chocolate milk every morning. fried chicken also seemed unappealing to me for the first time on fried chicken Thursday.

movement: nope

sleep: pretty good, just can’t get enough

gender: obviously no idea or guesses yet

looking forward to: having a baby! still in such shock. also looking forward to our first appointment and seeing a heartbeat and picture.

worries: naturally worried about miscarriage, but feeling supernaturally at peace and like God gave us this miracle baby

milestones: WE’RE PREGNANT!

Other posts: Finding Out

(written November 10th)

This past May I announced to the world that we were going to start trying to get pregnant soon. I got off birth control in early July, and we started tracking and trying in August. Long story short, August-November were pretty terrible. I mean don’t get me wrong, there were DEFINITELY good parts, but the month after month disappointment was heartbreaking and discouraging for both of us. It’s really only fun to try to get pregnant the first month. After that, it’s nerve-wracking and defeating. Our third cycle of trying was the hardest. We cried the most, felt the most defeated and hopeless, and decided we were going to stop actively trying in the tracking, ovulation testing, writing everything down, counting everyday kind of trying until at least after the holidays. It was just too much. I just wanted to be content with my husband and my God and stop feeling disappointed and defeated each month.

On Wednesday, November 1st I was just feeling DONE and defeated. On Thursday, November 2nd I dyed my hair. The color didn’t take like it normally does. The same color I’ve been using for four years, and it looked different. I remembered googling about hair color before we ever even started trying to get pregnant, had to know if I couldn/should dye my hair. I remember reading that for some women, not all, but some, hair color doesn’t take or the color changes due to pregnancy hormones. My hope sparked, but I was majorly skeptical still. The odds of it happening this time were the slimmest they had been yet! So slim that I wasn’t going to test at all this cycle because I was SURE there was no way it was happening.

I took a cheap strip test that came with my ovulation test strips. I thought I saw the faintest of faint lines, but convinced myself I was seeing things. I took another strip test Friday morning, November 3rd, and didn’t see a line. That day we both were just hit with defeating/discouraging attacks about all of this and BOTH decided we were done trying so hard. I came home and put my ovulation journal away, deleted all my ovulation apps, and was done with all that stress. We went to Mistletoe Marketplace and ate McAlister’s clubs (lunch meat, that’s how sure I was that we weren’t pregnant) and watched Christmas movies. Before bed I decided to take another strip test. Again, I thought I saw a faint line, but again thought I was imagining things.

The next morning, Saturday, November 4th, I took another strip test and AGAIN thought I saw a faint line. I found all three of the other strip tests I had taken and lined the four of the tests up. I was sure I saw a faint line on all four now (even on the Friday morning one that I previously thought I didn’t see one on, I think I just didn’t wait long enough). Before getting in the shower, I decided to use one of the big boy digital ones. I had only used one of those before. I didn’t even wait on it, again, sure I wasn’t pregnant. In the shower I prayed that if it was possible that we were pregnant that the test would show and if it said not pregnant that I wouldn’t be crushed.

IT

SAID

PREGNANT!

As I held it my hand started shaking and tears filled my eyes, and I barely had the voice to call for William. “William! I think we’re pregnant! I took a test, and it says pregnant!” We cried and hugged and kissed and cried and were just in shock. I then showed him the strip tests (I hadn’t told him I’d been doing them, just made a what if comment about my hair color and he thought I was crazy and told me we should start paying someone to do it professionally haha).

I had a haircut appointment, but on the way home picked up a couple of other brands of tests and did those when I got home. All said pregnant! We’ve cried so many times, think it’s so like God to show us that HE alone was answering the prayer William has prayed so many times, “create life in Kasia’s womb.” HE created this life, no planning or tracking or counting that I did made it happen. He made it happen on the month with the slimmest chance so it could be for His glory. It still doesn’t feel real, and we still can’t get over it! We are over the moon giddy and are completely at peace and not currently experiencing any fear. I just thought we prayed a lot to get pregnant. Now that there is life inside of me our prayers have increased so much! So many prayers have already been said for this baby, and we haven’t even known about him/her for a solid week yet.

GOD IS SO GOOD! He would have continued to be good if we never got pregnant. He will still be good if we lose this baby (praying against that every moment!). And He is good if we get to raise this baby too. Our God is good.

(PS. I know a lot of people have to wait a lot longer than we did. I know the pain we felt in our waiting doesn’t compare to some of the things others have experienced. On a very limited scale, we understand very vaguely now the heartache that some people go through and our hearts ache for you and our prayers go out for you. We honestly were sure, even before ever trying, that we might not ever get pregnant. We were prepared to adopt – and might still someday – but please know that we know our pain doesn’t even compare to what many people go through, and we hurt for those people.)

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