Category: real life

Once Upon a Time (A Repost)

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I’ve been slowly trying to clean out some of my draft posts. I often start a post and then never get around to  finishing it or posting it. Surprise surprise, right? I found this post in my draft. I  wrote it for the Total Woman U blog on January 18th, 2011, right after I moved back to Mississippi. Apparently I wanted to repost it here on my personal blog and pasted into a draft who knows how long ago. I don’t know why I never posted it but as I read it just now, over three years later, I feel like I wrote it to myself for this current season of life. Who knew when I wrote this three years ago that God would give me new dreams I didn’t even know I’d dream for myself. As I’m staring the big scary God-sized dream of having a bakery in the face, a dream that continues to be affirmed and developed every passing week and day, I needed to be reminded of these words more than ever. 


I don’t know what kind of effect this phrase has on you, but for me, the moment I hear it I smile. It makes me sit up straight in my chair and await being told a happy ending story. It causes me to imagine that I’m wearing a big poofy princess dress. It makes me picture little girls playing dress up. It causes me to scroll through the knowledge of every fairytale story I have permanently (and maybe embarrassingly) stored in my mind. These four little words were read to us over and over as children and made us dream and write love stories for our barbies when we were little girls in those dress up clothes. 

I’ve been thinking about these words lately as I’ve found myself surrounded by women on every side! My cousin is getting married, and I have been bestowed the maid of honor title. She and I grew up pretending, sometimes believing, that we were those princesses in the stories we read and movies we watched. I was always Cinderella and she was always Ariel. When we went dress shopping, they told us of a new line the store had called The Fairy Tale Collection. We didn’t give it much thought other than it being a cute idea. The bride suggested some of the things she liked, and the shop ladies brought poof sparkly dresses one after another. The bride to be wasn’t even actually planning to buy a dress that day, but then… she tried on the dress. You know, THE dress. The minute she turned around her mother and I go teary eyed. It was beautiful. Miss bride to be didn’t even want to take it off. The dress just so happened to be one of the aforementioned Fairy Tale Collection ones… Ariel. When we discovered that, of course we cried more. It was one of those moments. 

“Once Upon a Time” looks different for everyone. Maybe you weren’t the girly girl playing make believe in pink sparkly dresses. Maybe you had read every Nancy Drew book before the rest of us even discovered Nancy Drew. Maybe your dream was academic, athletic, or inventive. As we grow up, we often put our once upon a time dreams in a dusty corner at the top of the bookshelf. We grow up, life happens, we write it off as a silly childhood dream. Or maybe you got your once upon a time and now what? Dreaming is over? Thinking about the once upon a time concept of myself as a little girl pretending I was Cinderella, my life does not look anything like I thought it would. Picking up my old dusty once upon a time dreams, it appears I’m missing out on somethings at the first glance. As I look beyond the surface, I realize it was never my job to write the end of my story. 

God is the author of our lives, of our fairy tales. Life isn’t perfect and it doesn’t always look like a fairy tale. Our hair isn’t always pretty and we don’t always get to wear a sparkly poofy dress. Sometimes our princess attire looks more like a work uniform. We trade in our dress up clothes for that old t-shirt and those lounge pants we use to clean the house. But our moments aren’t over just because we are grown ups. From the time we were old enough to talk and think, God gave us the ability to dream. I know you have those thoughts, maybe sometimes fleeting, where you get a big idea that you just push away or write off because there is no way you could do that. There is no way you can do that in your mind, but that doesn’t make that feeling and thought true. 

He gives us dreams, big ideas and the ability to imagine for a reason. Dust off your once upon a time and let it inspire you. You ARE a princess with the ability to accomplish the tasks, dreams, and visions God gives you as long as He is with you. Just as the bride to be had a shining glowing moment when she put on that dress, we shine and glow and reflect the glory of God when we are used by Him. Don’t miss your moments because the once upon a time you dreamed of doesn’t look like you thought it would or because it already happened. Psalm 37: 4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” If we delight in Him, He promised to give us the desires of our heart, the desires that He puts there and that line up with His.

Father’s Day for the Fatherless

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I began writing this as a Facebook status update after waking up again this week, the week leading up to Father’s Day, with heaviness. It started to get long, and then it hit me in my pre-caffeinated state that I have a blog. Duh!

Father’s Day. It’s this week. It’s in just a few days. I’m sure you knew. It’s everywhere. Every advertising email reminds us to get a gift for Father’s Day. Every commercial is full of ideas for Father’s Day gifts. Even Food Network shows are offering meal ideas in abundance. Kroger even has manly food on sale. It’s everywhere. 

I beg you all to not just pray for me or my brother this Father’s Day, but for anyone who lost a father this year or any year. They (counselors, fellow grievers, grief books and blogs) say the first year of every holiday is the worst. Father’s Day feels like a different kind of worse. It’s sort of like waiting for a category five hurricane to hit or waiting for a tornado to pass while hiding in your bathroom when the sirens go off. It’s heavy. It’s scary. I read this from a blog by someone who lost their dad 10 years ago, 

“Ever since, I have felt the most raw and exposed on Father’s Day and on the anniversary of the day he died, Feb. 15. It’s like a wild hunger. No amount of time could ever fully heal the pain. Father’s Day, in particular, will always make that hole inside me feel deeper because my loss becomes a lot more obvious. While everyone else is gathering to show their love for their dad, I am in mourning.”  (from The Globe and Mail)

And he wrote that 10 years after losing his dad. So remember the fatherless in your life this Father’s Day. Celebrate! Enjoy your dad. Love him. Buy him a gift no matter how silly or last minute it is. Make him his favorite cake, even if it’s from a box. Tell him you love him. Take a picture with him, you probably don’t have enough. Call him. Do anything and everything you can. And when you’re done enjoying every possible moment with your dad you can, pray for us. The fatherless, the widows, the ones without their sons or brothers this Father’s Day. 

And if my plea and words aren’t convincing enough, I’m pretty sure the Heavenly Father is okay with you thinking and praying for us too. 

“For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.” Deuteronomy 10: 17-18

“When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow.” Deuteronomy 24:19-21 

“But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.” Psalm 10:14 

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” Psalm 68:5

“Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.” Psalm 82:3

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27


If you’re fatherless this Father’s Day, grieve how you need to! If you need to skip church and the Father’s Day service every church will inevitably have, you have permission. Take your Bible somewhere else and spend some time with Jesus. He knows you’re hurting. Take at least a moment in the day to let the Heavenly Father love you. Cry, weep, mourn. And then if you’re up for it, remember. Remember him.

I’m not going to church Sunday either. Or to Starbucks, too many people that might see me cry. I’m going to a coffee shop that’s a little quieter on Sundays, spending time with my Heavenly Father on my own. I’ll cry. Well, I’ll cry more. This whole week has been full of tears. But I’ll cry. And then I’ll remember with people who can handle it and understand that it’s okay to be sad and happy at the same time. The mother of the son who wrote the blog post I quoted earlier puts a yearly memorial in their local paper that reads, “My happiness is filled with sadness without you to share it with.”

Grieve how you need to! If that means being alone, it’s okay! But if you don’t want to be alone, surround yourself with people who will remember with you. I am planning a remember meal for my brother, my friend who also lost her dad this year, our friend who loves us, and myself. The whole meal will be made up of the favorite foods of my dad and my friend’s dad. There will be a lot, but my favorite plan is to make my dad’s favorite cake, German Chocolate. I’ve made it for him before, but used a box cake and pre-made icing. It’s always been a somewhat scary task, HOMEMADE German Chocolate cake, but I’m proudly taking on the challenge for him.

Affectionate Honesty

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As you might have noticed, it’s Monday. It’s Monday and I’m not posting a meal plan. It’s Monday and I’m not posting a meal plan after not posting a meal plan last Monday either. This isn’t a food post or a meal plan post or even a DIY post OR even a real life post. This is me, missing you! I miss blogging, I miss talking to you. I miss it all.

I’m going to be real and not make any promises that there will be any blogging until May 17th. There might be! But the end of the semester crazies make me want to confess that I can’t make that promise (not that I’ve ever been so great at blogging promises). I might post five times this weekend, but just in case I don’t, I want it to be out there! Finals start this week for students which means study break events, last moments with RAs and RDs, students moving out, a lot of oh-hey-I-guess-I-am-in-charge-of-this-building-full-of-students-who-are-leaving responsibilities. I’m tired already!

There’s a formal banquet I’m partially in charge of, a last staff meeting with the best RAs I’ve ever had that I’m in charge of, a midnight movie premieres, a staff pool party, closing down buildings, checking every single room in the building, inputting every single charge to every single student from the building, writing end of the year reports. Fun mixed with crazy mixed with the emotions of a semester closing and the bittersweet quietness that is summer. Oh the life of an RD!

This post is not wise or earth shattering honesty. This post is pure affectionate honesty. I’m honestly saying I have a lot to say! I have food pictures to post, I have Jesus moments to share, I have recipes upon recipes. I miss sharing with you! I miss the emotional outlet that sharing with you provides (totally selfish!). I miss the community and the connectedness. I miss the feeling of accomplishment. So this isn’t a full of wisdom post or a wonderful recipe post or a magical big deal life update post. This is me saying/screaming…

“HEY! I MISS YOU! ON MAY 17TH WE’RE GONNA CATCH UP! I MIGHT HAVE SOME TIME BEFORE THEN AND I MIGHT STOP BY. BUT I MIGHT NOT, AND THAT’S OKAY RIGHT? Oh, sorry, you’re right, I was screaming. I’ll stop, I was just really excited to see you. So as I was saying, I might have time and surprise you, but if I don’t until May 17th, we can still be friends right? Okay good! Can I tell you a few things before I return to the craziness? Great!”

What? You don’t have pretend conversations with your blog?

A few things: 

1. I dyed my hair red. WHAT?! I know. Every day I wish I was red headed and so I finally decided just to go for it. I like it.

2. I have a lot of recent thoughts about grief that I’ll share with you soon. But go love on your friends who have lost loved ones this year! It’s not over for them. Because it’s not over for me I finally made an appointment with a counselor. It’s tomorrow.

3. I am taking a vacation that I’m also calling Birthday-cation! I haven’t taken a vacation in two and a half years! Turns out that all the vacation hours don’t roll over. Use them or lose them you say?? I do believe I’ll pick the use them option! I figured what better time to take off (since I have to use the hours before May 31st anyway) than my 30th birthday and one of my BFF’s 30th birthday week?! I have to work on my actually birthday, but taking off from May 15th – 22nd and headed to New Orleans to bring in the 30s with a best friend (I turn 30 May 14th, she turns 30 May 18th).

4. I bought a computer for the first time in my life. I know most people have accomplished this by the time they are my age, but I’ve been blessed by computers from my dad, stepmom, grandparents, and hand me downs from friends. This one (the one I’m currently typing on) is way past on it’s last leg! I bought a Samsung Chromebook and it will arrive tomorrow!

5. I’m reading through Hosea for the first time since college and it’s breaking my heart in such great ways.

Like I said, no magical huge life updates, but I just wanted to talk and feel connected, so I did! Hopefully I’ll be back before May 17th, but if not, I will see you then dear friend(s).


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The Bloglovin Switch

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Hello friends! I’m sure you all read about the closing of Google Reader. SUCH a sad day for me! I was obsessed and lead many people to also use it. I’m trying out Feedly and Bloglovin right now to see which I like better. So far I’m leaning towards Bloglovin because I love that they let the view from Bloglovin count as a view on each site! Google Reader didn’t do that and I’m not sure if Feedly does. They both also have nice, easy phone apps! Google Reader never had a perfect one, for iPhone at least.

So all that to say, I’m trying out Bloglovin! Follow my blog with Bloglovin if you have it. If you’re in the Google Reader crisis too and want to try out Bloglovin, do! Fellow blogger over at My Pretty Pennies posted a how to on merging your Google Reader blog follows over to Bloglovin. It’s super easy!


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Real Life: Influence

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Influence is defined as, “the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.”

Influence is powerful! I had the opportunity to teach at an event for women this weekend with Total Woman U (one of my passions!). One of my fellow teammates during her session said, “We teach with out lives. We’re constantly influencing others whether we mean to or not.” I can’t even fully grasp how true this is! 
I’m passionate about transparency. Where there is transparency – real, raw, Biblical community happens. Transparency in community is nothing but influence! In and out influence. In this beautiful, messy kind of community we’re constantly influenced by others and influencing others. It’s magnificent. 
I don’t know about you, but I want that! If you ever get to experience it, you want it more and more! I’m in the more and more craving stage now and NOT mad about it at all. First God gave me an amazing accountability partner, almost a year and going strong – messy, difficult and all. In the last month God lead me to a new small group. Just after meeting with them three times, I’ve been beyond blessed! I reconnected this week with an old college roommate, nothing but transparent, raw, real conversations – beautiful! Enough you say? NO! 🙂

Today I joined The Influence Network. It’s an online community full of beautiful believers living out their lives transparently in their day to day on goings and on the internet! Bloggers! Bloggers committed to using their words to influence others. 


My friend, fellow blogger, fellow church member, fellow instragramer, fellow teen drama show lover, and fellow nail polish addict Jessica, of Meet the Magnolias, told me about this network. I’m brand spanking new, but I want to jump in and get involved.

The Influence Network is having a link-up meet-up! And so, this is me participating. 

1 photo that you love of yourself:

First professional photo shoot! It was with my aunt and girl cousin. At first I felt weird about the individual shots, but I’ve never loved a picture of myself so much!

3 things about yourself:

1. As I mentioned above, I am highly passionate about transparency! I grew up in the great state of Mississippi. Mississippi has given me some things I’m proud of – my hospitality, my cooking roots, my accent, my good hair, my ability to make great sweet tea. But Mississippi, the southern culture, and particularly the southern church women culture, taught me some things that ended up not being good for me that took me years to overcome, Southern women and southern church women are not taught to be transparent AT ALL! They learn to save face at all cost and that the most important thing, other than “cleanliness being next to Godliness” is that at all times you must appear to have it all together. LIES! Oh how much I love everything I’ve learned and become that is opposite of this! It’s not Biblical, it’s not healthy, it’s not normal. Get thee away from me shame! So much power in transparent, raw, ugly, hard, accountability  There is FREEDOM! Told you I was highly passionate about it, I’ll shush about that one for now.

2. I love cooking and baking. You might be saying duh, but I can’t introduce myself without saying that! Allow me to somewhat briefly expound on that. I LOVE IT! Not only do I have a blog dedicated to it, I’m for real obsessed ya’ll. I recently realized that all but one of the things I collect has to do with cooking. I collect cookie cutters, days of the week notepads (used for writing down meal plans), aprons, cookbooks, kitchen towels, cloth napkins, unique silverware, mason jars, cool dishes and owls. And truth be told, many of my owls are kitchen item owls! I am also in the beginning (VERY BEGINNING) stages of planning/dreaming about opening a bakery.

3. I’m almost 30, single, and beyond ready to mingle. I thought it would be funny to say that, and yes, it is true, but a big part of who I am and where I am right now this year is being fervently committed to prayer for my future husband, that God will allow him to find me, and that my purity will be protected. There have been years where I lost hope, years where I tried to take things into my own hands, and other unfortunate years. But what there hasn’t been is years where I drew close to God in this area and allowed Him to do whatever He wanted with this desire. The closer I get to Jesus, and at times the more I beg Him to take away the desire to be a wife, it only get stronger. Know any single Godly guys? JUST KIDDING! Kinda…

1 thing you’ve learned on the Network:

Being a blogger, wanting to blog, wanting to talk about Jesus on your food blog, wanting to connect with other bloggers, it’s not weird! I’m not as dorky as I thought I was, okay maybe I am, but not for those reasons! I’m not alone. I’m not the only one struggling with grief. I’m not the only one who wants to be proud of the gifts and talents she’s been given (writing, cooking, baking, blogging) but sometimes feels weird about it. And most importantly, I’m not the only one who feels passionate about transparently living out her life.


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Five Things Friday: Healthy Things

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Some of the blogs I love (Cashmere & Cupcakes, Slender Kitchen, This Healthy Endeavor) do some version of Five Things Friday. I’m not committing to it, just trying it out this week and I had some relevant content! This week I give you the healthy things I’m loving! 
1. Bolthouse Farms Creamy Yogurt Salad Dressings –  I love salads, but salad dressings can be a calorie killer for something that should be healthy. Most brands do well with low-cal vinaigrette style dressings, but the creamy ones are normally mayo based and loaded with calories. These aren’t! So far I’ve tried the Chunky Blue Cheese and the Caesar Parmesan and they are super yummy! New staple.
2. Avon Therapeutic Cracked Heel Relief Cream – Your eyes aren’t deceiving you, those are my fingers and not my toes or feet and yes, this product is for feet. HOWEVER, if you ever find your fingers covered in as many hangnails as mine were this week, this stuff works! It’s also good for your heels, but it is the only product that helped my damaged cuticles at all! I tried every hand cream, even an online suggestion of chap stick and this product healed it! (If you would like to buy this, or any Avon product and don’t have someone you buy from, you can order from my Aunt’s Avon page! It ships to you, not her. AND it’s actually on sale right now!)
3. Williamette Valley Granola Company Granola Chips – These caught my eye in the grocery store and I had to try them. I was also hungry, and it’s hard for me to say no to things that catch my eye while hungry in the grocery store. One day I’ll learn that rule, you know the don’t go to the grocery store when hungry rule. BUT, this is one impulse hunger grocery store buy I didn’t regret! They are full of healthy things: oats, barely, quinoa, and more. I tried the Vanilla Bean flavor and they’re great just by themselves or dipped in peanut butter! 
4. Calendar Journaling – This still fits my healthy theme! My whole life I’ve heard that journaling is healthy, helpful, a good thing to do, etc. I’ve tried a million times and failed a million times, never having consistency. I’m OCD, so I like the daily thing, but sometimes I lack words so I’d miss a day, then two, then a week, then a month and never finish. I happened upon this idea of calendar journaling on Pinterest. It intrigued me, so I made a New Years Resolution to try it out. I have successfully filled out every day of January and February (and the 1st day of March)! I missed some days here and there, but it was easy to go back and fill in the space. It’s just a small box so the pressure is off to write huge paragraphs or pages. I hit highlights and have a symbol system. It has helped me SO much! I’ve been able to notice so many negative patterns and figure out the source of many struggles by doing this. This one act has been healthier for me than the six weeks of boot camp I’ve had so far! And guess what else? Doing this gave me a desire to write my prayers in a journal too. My times with Jesus have been completely transformed! If you’ve ever struggled with journaling, DO THIS! It helps track grief patterns and sin patterns. It reveals right before your eyes that the good days far out weight the bad, and that does tremendous work for my life and attitude just by itself. I can’t talk this up enough. DO IT! Next year I’m going to go with one of the calendars that has lines for each day and not just boxes. Genius idea Pinterest! 
5. Manager’s Special Labels – Kroger has these. I’m sure other grocery stores do as well, but for sure Kroger does. I’ve become obsessed with finding these, it’s like a treasure hunt! When things are still on the shelf and about to expire, sometimes they’ll mark them down at least to half price with these little labels. This week I got fresh rosemary for 99 cents! I also got this Asian Chopped Salad that is normally $3.50 for less then $2! I was able to eat the salad twice for lunches and I’m still finding ways to use up the rosemary! Also a little plug for fresh rosemary, IT’S SO MUCH BETTER THAN DRY! Dry rosemary, though tasty and fragrant, feels like pieces of pine straw in your mouth. Fresh rosemary is just so perfect and tender! Someone teach me to grow an herb garden?? 

What are you most excited about for this weekend? 


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Real Life: Celebrate Victories

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I know you’re all probably like, “Why do you keep talking?! Give us recipes already!” Don’t worry! I have them, pictures and everything. I’ve just been inspired lately with random bits of unsolicited encouragement and inspiration. First leopard flats and being you, now motivational celebrating victories talk. Tomorrow? A recipe! I promise. (Don’t hate me if I break that promise, I have it prepped and ready! But you know what happens sometimes when I promise.)

 

Five weeks ago I started a boot camp. An intense boot camp. Some of my boot camp buddies and our trainer/killer (the one guy) are in the picture above. A little history about my weight loss/getting healthy journey. I’ve always struggled with weight. I’ve been chubby since I was two. In high school I wanted to lose weight because I thought being a certain size made be beautiful, worthy, or cool. I never wanted to try just for me until two years ago. Two years ago I started Weight Watchers. Prior to those two years I was the biggest I had ever been. I was defeated in so many areas of life. A new job, a new year, a new/old state, a new beginning, and closure of two years of counseling where I learned to love myself for the first time led me to think clearly and without defeating thoughts! I decided I wanted to do Weight Watchers for me and my health, not because skinny was pretty or to find self worth, but just for me. My mom and dad had both had heart attacks since I graduated from college. My dad was having serious health issues which later lead to liver cancer and later lead to death. I wanted to be healthy! I didn’t want to be a statistic of family genes and bad lifestyle choices. And for the first time, I knew I could do it. I believed in myself. The defeated thoughts were no more (okay not completely true, they come back often, but after counseling I knew how to recognize the defeating lies and combat them). In the first three months of Weight Watchers, I lost 25 pounds without working out at all, just counting points (it REALLY is a great program and I’ll always be an advocate for it). When I started to plateau, I added in some working out. I was proud of myself the day I worked up to one hour on the eliptical! Especially since the first time I did it I could only do five minutes.
Yep. I took a picture and will always save it. A milestone worth remembering. Then I had toe surgery… Not allowed to wear tennis shoes for two weeks. Two WEEKS?! Two weeks is a lot when you’re finally in working out [almost] everyday mode. I was introduced to water aerobics which I fell in love with and did faithfully for a while. They I started doing two classes a day! Zumba and water aerobics. And then… I got pneumonia. No working out for at least two week again. After than my dad starting get worse, life was harder, and I would work out here and there but pretty much had given up until boot camp. I had lost 43 pounds with Weight Watchers, but gained half of it back over holidays and losing my dad. I say all that to say, working out is NOT natural for me, ever, at all. I like how I feel after I do it, but I hate doing it. I hate sweating, I hate wearing work out clothes, it’s NOT natural for me. It’s hard and I have to work at it. After four weeks of boot camp and losing no weight (in fact, I gained!), I was getting frustrated! Yes I felt better, could tell in my clothes, had more energy, knew I was gaining muscle and getting healthier, but no weight loss was a serious motivation killer! I finally decided I wasn’t going to focus on the numbers and just give it my all. Last night, for the first time in my life, I didn’t finish last at something requiring physical activity!

I was third out of six! I can’t say I’ve ever been so proud of myself! I mean, it was AWFUL! I hated every moment, but when I got to huff and puff out the word “FINISHED” to my trainer and write down my time and not be the last one everyone was sympathetically (okay really it’s encouraging, TOTALLY encouraging and the best intentions possible, but still embarrassing when you’re last) cheering on at the end as they were all already finished. I felt empowered and awesome! I finally decided to weigh myself this morning after not doing so in two weeks and… I LOST 10 LBS!

Let’s celebrate victories guys! Every small victory that isn’t small at all. Taking the effort to work out when you haven’t been doing so at all is a victory. One pound lost is a victory. Not getting out of breath when you walk up the hill to work, it’s a victory! Working out three days a week when you previously worked out none, victory! Loose pants, victory. Making it three laps around the gym without have to slow to a walk which you’ve had to do every other time, victory! Looking in the mirror and loving who you see before you, VICTORY! Not believing the lies that Satan (it’s him, it’s really him) tells you about yourself, VICTORY! Getting up early to spend time with Jesus when before you “never had enough time,” VICTORY! Asking for forgiveness, forgiving yourself, accepting grace that none of us deserve but get instead of living in self-condemnation, VICTORY! Choosing to grieve losses in a healthy way instead of letting yourself get numb and avoidance, victory, big, huge, not small at all, victory.

Yesterday was the three month anniversary of my dad no longer being here. I miss him all the time, a lot. I never want to stop missing him or forget him or anything about him. The thought of not missing him, not thinking about him, or not remembering him makes me want to cry more than actually missing him. I decided on the month two anniversary to set a monthly reminder. Not to dwell in sadness, but just to never forget. The reminder is simply titled, “Remember.” Like I’ve said, and everyone says, a million times, we all grieve differently. For me, remembering is good. You know I’m on this goal kick, weekly, sometimes daily, sometimes hard, sometimes simple goals. My accountability partner helps me come up with them sometimes. For Monday, the three month anniversary, we came up with three goals. 1. Come up with five reasons I’m thankful for my dad. 2. Freak out if you need to freak out, feel what you need to feel, cry if you need to cry. 3. Bake something. Why? Well baking makes me feel good and gives me a sense of accomplishment. Feeling good and accomplished are good things to feel on potentially sad days.

So I did it! I’m thankful that he had the kindest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. He helped so many people get jobs and get back on their feet. He literally would have given someone the shirt off his back or boots off his feet if it would have helped them. I’m thankful for the sense of security he always provided, coming from a land of crazy family life. Even if he wasn’t physically there, I knew he was there. I’m thankful for his work ethic that he [tried] to pass down to me. I could never be as hard and as dedicated of a worker as he was! But I am a hard worker and dedicated, because he taught me that was important. I’m thankful for the things he taught me about money. I’m bad at money! He knew it. But he was so good at it and some things stuck with me. I still won’t apply for credit cards when people ask and my reason still is, “my dad would kill me.” Lastly, I’m thankful for how he modeled forgiveness. He was one of the most forgiving people I’ve ever met and gave so many chances, over and over and over again.

AND I baked a Skillet Chocolate Chip Bread Pudding. What goes best with bread pudding? Caramel sauce! I haven’t attempted caramel again since my three times of failing at it last summer. I’ve continued to make cheating caramel sauce (brown sugar, butter and cream), but even after buying the pan I didn’t have and knew I needed to make successful caramel, I was still scared. I decided the “remember” day was as good of a day as any to try again. And I did it! I also decided I will make a point, almost for every “remember” day to do something that makes me proud of me, like defeating caramel! It was a good thing to feel on a sad day.

Oh, and I did cry and feel. I cried yesterday and I cried while writing this, while proof reading it, and while re-proof reading it. And it was okay. I was okay. I am okay. Crying is okay! Okay? (Could I possibly say okay any more?)

So all that rambling to say, CELEBRATE VICTORIES! Silly ones like waking up early. Making good life choices ones like choosing the salad instead of the pizza, losing one pound, not finishing last, or working out more than you did last week. Spiritual freedom ones like spending time with Jesus, conquering a sin with His help, or learning to love yourself and not be self condemning. And serious, big deal, healing ones, like remembering the loved ones you’ve lost, facing grief instead of numbing it, and figuring out what helps you heal and grieve in healthy ways.

MAKE CARAMEL! PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK FOR SETTING A GOAL AND CHECKING IT OFF! CHALLENGE YOURSELF AND BE PROUD WHEN YOU WIN!

Let’s celebrate victories. Our own. Each others. Let’s agree to this okay? It’s a simple, good thing to do.

Real Life: Rules

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I would like to propose that for some things in life, we stop listening to and believing the rules other people set for us, and just make our own.
I sometimes avoid bold fashion trends until I know for sure that I, being the complete opposite of the super model type, can pull it off. Example – For at least a year I avoided buying leopard print shoes because I didn’t think they were practical or if wide footed non super model types should draw that much attention to themselves. I finally bought leopard print flats over a year ago, and I’ve recently convinced myself they match with almost everything.

 

Skinny jeans, grey Yale tshirt with navy writing, navy cardigan, and leopard flats? Sure! Pink dress and leopard flats? Yes! Hot pink stripped shirt with leopard flats? Yep. Anything pink with leopard flats? Yes.

Also, believe it or not, once upon a time I didn’t think I could paint my nails because I had short nails and stubby hands. I finally decided I didn’t care and now I barely go half a day without painted nails.

Don’t get my wrong, some rules are important and should be followed! I’m studying Romans right now and it’s so full of talk about the law, essentially rules. Some rules are good and important. I’m not saying not to follow those. I am saying that no one gets to tell you how you work.

For year and years, over and over again I tried to journal. I tried to journal like everyone said to journal. Filling pages and pages with stuff. I was inconsistent and my inconsistency lead to giving up. I happened upon a new way to journal on Pinterest using a calendar and simply filling in each day. I finished January and haven’t missed a day in February so far. It’s been transforming! I love doing it, but also it’s helped me notice patterns. Patterns I NEEDED to notice to be able to work on.

 

These are surface, silly examples, but the concept is deeper. People, society, and sometimes even the church tries to generalize us all and fit us into boxes. Not living up to silly “rules” can cause us to feel defeated and discouraged.

No one gets to tell you how to be you! So what if you’re almost 30 and have never bought a car, owned a house, and aren’t married. Life is still beautiful! People are different. Every one of us. We’re all different. I still miss my dad everyday, I’m still grieving, but I’m happy. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss him or I’m doing anything wrong. I’ve had to figure out how to grieve and survive and heal that way that’s best for me, not the way that works for anyone else. I bake when I’m bored or stressed. It would be silly for me to recommend the same thing to you if you hate baking. It would likely CAUSE you stress instead of relieve your stress.

Be you! Like what you want to like! Do what you like to do. Maybe your version of being social isn’t going to the movies or doing big crowd event type things. Maybe you’d rather be in book clubs or dinner clubs. Don’t conform to the “rules” of what you’re “supposed” to do or be as a 20 something or 30 something or a non super model type. Wear leopard flats. Paint your nails. Wear multiple shades of pink together. Heck, even wear sunglasses inside if you want (though I can’t promise not to make fun of you secretly in my own mind).

Cry if you need to cry. Laugh as loud as you want to. Take baby steps if big steps are too scary. Set goals and do them! If big goals are scary, make little goals and check them off every day until you work up the courage to make a big goal and take a big step. Dream big dreams and write them down. People who dream really are happier people! And when one of your dreams starts to unfold into a realistic goal right before your eyes, only listen to the voices that affirm it!

My Best Friend Micki

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Today, a very special person in my life has a birthday! Most of the girls in our friend group are totally rocking into our 30th year this year. My beautiful best friend Micki has graced the world with her lovely presence for 30 years today! In honor of the celebration of her birth, I dedicate this blog post to her and the role of best friend she’s played in my life for almost 10 years.

First, I stole an idea from a friend who recently did a blog post for her best friend’s 30th birthday and found 30 M words that describe my wonderful friend. Micki Ellen Bennett Atkinson is…

modish, magnificent, memorable, magical, magnanimous, marvelous, modern, majestic, merry, motherly, melodic, motivating, meticulous, modest, mighty, mannerly, meaningful, merciful, masterful, muti-talented, maternal, married, magnetic, marshmallow-lover, marketable, matchless, mature, mesmerizing, missed, and MY best friend!

In honor of your 30th Micki, I found 30 pictures of us on Facebook! Did you know that in the very first picture ever tagged of me on Facebook, I’m standing next to you??

We met as strangers in 2003, 10 years ago this summer, at Camp Garaywa as we debriefed our summer missions experiences. That day was the last day we’d ever be strangers again. We both started as transfer students at Mississippi College that fall and were pretty much inseparable from then on.

The early years. Some things haven’t changed at all. We can still have fun doing just about anything. We can go months (which we shouldn’t!) without talking and feel just as close as we ever have. We still both like really grandma-ish nightgowns. And I can’t recall a time I’ve ever been around you and not giggled at least once. However, a lot has changed! From serious things to jobs, homes, losses, marriage, and babies to silly things like… We are a heck of a lot better at making good hair choices than we were in these pictures that are (thankfully) a bit blurry.

You are a great secret keeper. I always, and have always, known I can confide in you with anything.

So many memories. So much fun. So many stories. We could write a book!

We could also write a book called, “How to Be a Bridesmaid.” How many weddings have we been in together? How many showers have we planned together? It cannot be denied by anyone that we make a good team!

We learned how to cook together. We learned how to be grown ups together. We learned how to not get lost (okay, we didn’t learn that skill TOO well yet) together. We learned how to be Mississippi girls, living in a big, not Mississippi town together! We also learned that we don’t care about tans and embrace our paleness together.

And though many who met me in later years may not believe it, if it weren’t for you I would have never been the obsessed Harry Potter fan I am! Thank you for putting that book in my hands so many years ago and forcing me to read it. And then for rewinding and playing back the owl parts over and over again in slow motion while we giggled eating cinnamon sticks from Pete’s Arena in your dorm room.

I wish we could both always live in the great state of Mississippi and be neighbors. I’m excited for your adventures and where life brings you even if it doesn’t bring us to the same places. And I’m oh so thankful that I can always depend on seeing you at the annual Friendmas Party (and many times more a year of course, but the Friendmas pictures were a good theme)! We were at the first one, and if there ever is a last, we’ll be at that one. We found a friend group together! The best one too.

Thank you for letting me be part of your life. Thank you for being part of mine. Thank you for the beautiful friendship you give me, and so many others. I’m beyond thankful that I have had the privilege of being a best friend, by your side, for so many great things, like your wedding, and so many things to come. The snapshot to the left isn’t even one of the best ones, or planned, but so symbolic to me! I will always be here, standing by your side, your best friend. And one day when I get married I promise I’ll do your hair too!

I love you more than any of the words in this blog post could ever say. Happy birthday best friend!

Salad in a Jar & Boot Camp

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Remember that whole boot camp starting this week thing that I mentioned in my last post? Yeah. It started. It’s not called boot camp to just sound cool, it’s intense! Today is the first day that I didn’t make audible noises every time I moved to or from a standing position. Getting up, sitting down, it all hurt. I also left a trail of things everywhere I went that I dropped on the ground of floor. Just today I was able to pick up the bar of soap that I dropped in the shower two days ago. Sorry Starbucks about that pink plastic spoon I dropped on the floor and couldn’t pick up, it just hurt too bad!

I would say it wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be, but I won’t lie… It was pretty awful!  Life is good, I don’t feel like I’ve been hit by a truck anymore, and I’m proud of myself! However, my apartment is a wreck because my week consisted of nothing but wake up, Jesus & Starbucks time, work, boot camp, eat something I didn’t have to stand to make, sit until I could convince myself it was better to take a shower at night than in the morning when I’d hurt worse, shower, sleep, rinse and repeat. I don’t remember the last time I went to be before midnight every night in a week. Several nights I went to be before 11!

A few things I learned the first week: Burpees were created by Satan himself. I suck at sprinting. I can sweat way more than I thought I could. My entire body turns red when I work out intensely. I can do a lot more than I thought I could. Weight Watchers gives more Activity Points for doing intense physical activity for a reason! It’s apparently normal to gain weight the first week of starting new, intense work out programs (we all did!). Even when it feels like my heart and lungs are about to leap out of my chest, my body can apparently keep going. Working out with people makes a huge difference! I need to marry a personal trainer so I have a motivator for life.

Now to the food! For me, lunch can be the hardest meal of the day to make healthy choices for. It’s the one meal we usually aren’t home to eat. So today I bring you my all time favorite lunch idea!

A few things you probably already know about me.

  1. I love any make ahead recipe.
  2. I like food prep work A LOT.
  3. I love anything with layers.
  4. I love anything in a mason jar, anything. 
  5. I don’t believe in paying money to eat out for lunch breaks!
  6. I’m not a fan of the whole get up early to pack a lunch thing.
If you share any of these things in common with me. This recipe, which is more of an idea, is for you! I don’t do these every week, I like variety! But it’s one of my go-to make ahead favorite lunch ideas. I love salad! Love it. But before this idea, it was impossible to bring salad to work for lunch without bringing everything and the kitchen sink with me to work. And who wants to be that much of a diva and have a lunch bag bigger than the purse and work bag we already have, or am I the only one who carries three bags to work? If you layer these salads correctly, they can keep in the refrigerator for up to four days! Last week I made two, but I’ve made four before and had them every day for lunch.

First let’s talk a little prep. Prep! It can be so easy with the right tools. So many prep tasks can be done before.

I used to hate carrots in my salads. I liked them dipped in hummus or ranch, but hated them in salads for two reasons. 1. Carrots are hard to cut up into bite sized pieces! Every time I tried little carrot pieces would fling across the room. 2. Stabbing little carrot slices with a fork is equally as hard. Carrots meet mini food processor. It chops carrots in seconds to little crumbly type pieces, about the size of bacon bits. Perfect!

Other prep involves chopping whatever you want in your salad. I usually use whatever I have. For this one my prep involved boiling and chopping eggs, sauteing some pre-cooked frozen chicken pieces, and chopping green onions. That’s it!

Then it’s all about the layering and ingredients. The most important thing is to keep the dressing and lettuce as far away as possible. Keep the wet stuff on bottom and dryer stuff on top. I layered this batch of salad with the following ingredients in the order listed.
  • strawberry balsamic vinaigrette
  • green onions 
  • finely chopped carrots
  • julienne chopped cucumbers
  • quartered grape tomatoes
  • dried cranberries
  • a little sprinkle of mexi-blend cheese (close to expiration date)
  • a little sprinkle of feta cheese (close to expiration date)
  • cooked chicken breast, seasoned with Tony’s, pre-diced
  • a little sprinkle of turkey bacon bits
  • one boiled egg, chopped
  • romaine lettuce (Keep stuffing it, lettuce compacts!)
  • dried french onions (left over from holiday cooking)

Did I mention this recipe can also be used to clean out your fridge/cabinets? If it can be put in a salad, put it in! Be sure to bring a paper plate or large bowl with you to work to pour out the salad. The blog where I found the idea, said to shake it up and eat out of the jar, but that’s never worked for me. Just slowly pour it on a plate or bowl and eat!

I saw a blog that posted weekly pictures of what she brought for lunch, no recipes, just ideas. It was useful to me, and I’d be willing to do that if it would be useful for you! Yes? No? Let me know and I’ll start doing it! 


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