Marry Someone Who Sees You

I’ve been working on a “my thoughts on parenting so far” post. One day I’ll finish that.

I meant to post that (or something) before now. Sometime between now and 10 months ago when I had a baby. Right before that was the last time I made time to blog.

I actually kind of feel lost on what to blog about in this season, but more on that in the other post that’s in the works.

TODAY I want to talk to you about my husband. 

I was going to write this (or some version of it) on Facebook/Instagram, but it required some backstory and over-explaining (doesn’t everything?), so as per usual, I remembered I have a blog and what are blogs for if not using too many words to tell a story??

Okay, so backstory:

I had a baby. I love her. She’s amazing. She’s the best.

Pregnancy had its hard moments. Physically healing from delivering a baby had some hard moments. Parenting has some hard moments (again, more on that coming soon).

For the most part, those hard moments were expected (sans the terrible recovery I had involving my c-section scar reopening and a wound vac). For the most part, people gave plenty of warnings about the woes of pregnancy and how it affects your body, the woes of birthing a baby, the woes of having a newborn to keep alive, and the woes of being a parent.

You know what no one warned me about though? 


Or postpartum anything really.

People do (thankfully) talk a lot about postpartum depression, which is very much a needed conversation.

But, no one talks about the baby blues 2-3 weeks after birth that almost everyone experiences regardless of whether or not they go on to experience PPD. No one talks about the isolation you feel in the 6-8 weeks that you can’t bring your pre-vaccinated baby out in public to protect her. No one talks about how your skin is weird and might never be the same skin you once knew. No one talks about how your shoe size and ring size might not go back to its normal size?? (Literally still can’t wear any of my old shoes and just had to drop way too much money to have my rings resized.)

And NO ONE warned me about postpartum hair regrowth! 

Apparently, your hair gets lush and thick(er) when you’re pregnant (I  had heard this, but didn’t particularly notice because my hair was already pretty thick). After baby, lots of people lose a good bit of hair (I didn’t notice that I had lost any because as mentioned, my hair is/was pretty thick and always has been and apparently I had enough to spare). AND THEN… 

It starts growing back and produces these awful baby hairs all over your entire head. Literally, I have a perfect lion’s mane around my whole head of growing baby hairs.

I even got bangs to try to hide them. (Mistake. It didn’t work, and now I also hate the bangs, but thankfully they are growing out quickly.)

The last time I got my hair colored even my stylist said she has never seen anyone have such a bad case of baby hairs.

No amount of bobby pins can control these things, y’all! 

And I’ve always LOVED my hair. I’ve literally never in my entire life hated my hair (not even in middle school). On most days of my life, I’ve felt like I was having a good hair day. I justified not wearing makeup on the reg because at least my hair looked good!

Call me petty or dramatic or whatever you want to, but the hairs make me feel ugly.

So I say ALLLL that to say, I’ve been in a discouraged funk and unhappy with my appearance. I couldn’t wear my pretty sparkly rings. My pants still feel a little too tight. (Maternity jeans ruined me for life. I can technically fit in my pre-baby jeans, but they just feel uncomfortable and too confining, so I want to lose more weight.) I’m self-conscious about my even bigger than before feet. And I hate my hair. Blah blah blah.

And no one has heard me complain about these stupid hairs as much as my sweet husband. 

So, I decided to be able to wear my rings again would make me feel prettier and more confident and I asked hubs if we could get them resized. Of course, he said yes. (AND WHO THE HECK KNEW IT COST SO MUCH TO DO THAT? Happy birthday and Mother’s Day to me!)

The day they were ready he went to the jeweler on his lunch to pick them up then delivered them to me. I was ecstatic! I was flashing my ring finger around like a newly engaged bride-to-be. 

An hour or so after delivering them he said, “I have not seen you that happy in a few weeks. You were genuinely excited. And your smile was so beautiful.” 

I cried. I felt seen and known and loved. And I felt guilty and hadn’t actually realized until that moment what a funk I had been in.

Then he said, “I think we need to start getting up earlier so we can talk and drink coffee and do Bible study and spend time praying together.” 

I agreed.

He continued, “And then you can put on makeup. Not because you need it at all, but I think you like yourself in makeup. And as long as you are upset with your hair, you can wear makeup. Again, not because you need it, but since you are upset with that feature you can highlight your other features, and it will make you feel pretty again.” 

I sobbed.

So today I wore makeup for the first time in 10+ months without a “reason” like having a baby today, date night, attending a wedding, being photographed, holiday, etc. We got up a little earlier. He made our iced protein coffee breakfast drinks (usually my job) and the baby’s bottles while I quickly showered. We met outside in our robes – him with our coffee, me with my makeup. He read the Bible out loud to us while I did my makeup. We chatted. We prayed. We woke up the baby together as we usually do. He dressed her while I got dressed and fixed my hair. I fed her while he showered and got ready. He complimented me endlessly. And we both left for work earlier than we often do, more on time than we both typically are, feeling more connected than we normally are, and with me feeling prettier than I usually do.

Single friends – look for and marry someone who sees you and loves the Lord. And spend time in the presence of the Lord.

Married men – see your wife, really see her, know her, encourage her, lift her up, spiritually lead your family into the presence of the Lord. And spend time in the presence of the Lord.

Married women – let your husband into the depths of your soul, tell him how you feel and what you need, respect him and build him up, trust him. And spend time in the presence of the Lord.

Moms – I have rolled my eyes every single time one of the parenting books I’ve been reading says to get up before the baby and make yourself feel together and pretty before the day starts. And I had given up hope on being able to spend time with Jesus in the mornings in the little kid season of life because sleep is precious! But today I told my husband that this summer even when I’m off every day and home with the baby, I want to still get up with him and do this routine even if our only plans for the day are to just be home. It made a difference – the caring about my appearance AND the spending time with Jesus. Get your hair colored or cut (or both). Put on some makeup/replace your crusty liquid eyeliner (picking up a new one after work today…) Get your rings sized if they don’t fit you. If they do, get them cleaned, so they sparkle more. Ask for mani/pedi gift cards for Mother’s Day and your birthday (LITERALLY THE ONLY THING ON MY LISTS). And spend time in the presence of the Lord.

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