Ghetto Granny

Ok yes. Mr. Blog. I know. Three times in one day?! You can only listen to so much right? Oh ok good, I’m glad your proverbial paper ears are always open!

I don’t know if you know this about me, but my life is a melodramatic comedy. Crazy, funny, weird things happen to me, throw in God’s provision, drama and tragedy and you have my life. I also don’t know if you know that cars and I are not friends.

I had a car. It broke. A lot. A whole lot. Then I didn’t have one. For a long time. Because she broke down on a bridge. For a long time. I had on a dress. Cars driving by fast on skinny bridges and dresses don’t mix. I sat there for 2 hours. A cop pushed my car with his car to the next exit. I sat in a greasy fish restaurant for 2 more hours. The fish was good. My mom came and got me. We fought for 2 more hours. Was a great day. So goodbye red car.

My mom let me use her old car. The trunk randomly popped open when you went down the road, particularly on bumpy roads. I lived in New Orleans. Have you been on New Orleans roads? Then it started jumping. As in jerking as I drove down the road. It was broken. Again, no car.

So my dad bought me a great car. A Saturn station wagon. I named him Wentworth. He’s an Ivy League car so he needed a smart name. Why Ivy League? The Yale and UPenn stickers of course! So Wentworth and I have gotten along pretty well. No problems. Until now…

Last week he wouldn’t crank. His battery cable got corroded. We fixed that. Well for a little while my tail lights wouldn’t work. Replaced bulbs, went out. Then no break lights. Checked fuses, not that. I got stopped by the cops three times and decided I should get them fixed. One cop strongly suggested (aka rudely demanded) I ride around with my hazard lights on. So my Dad so wonderfully said he’d pay to get it fixed! Yay! Well I went to the car fixing place. Waiting for parts so it can be fixed. Well in the checking process some other things messed up. My gear shift won’t work. I have to put the key on the acc setting put in it neutral then crank it. If I put it in park at the bank or something, I have to uncrank and repeat the process. Well then tonight I realized the inside panel lights don’t work. So I can’t see my speed. So I’m driving down the road, hazard lights on, inside light on so I can see my speed, and the crazy gear shift. Kari Job cranked up, and with the light on I’m sure people can see me singing. So I’m driving down the road looking like a crazy ghetto granny. Oy with the poodles already!

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