Category: real life

The Real Blessing

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I have this note in my iPhone Notes called “Blog Post Ramblings” full of these thoughts that overwhelm me so much that I have to get on [virtual] paper right then and there. One day, maybe, I’ll complete most of the thoughts and share them. Today though, I really really want and need to share the words overwhelmingly flooding over me so much so that I can’t even quiet them by typing them into my virtual sheet of scrap paper.

The topic?

#blessed

This morning my pastor said something that shook me to the core, to the point of the overwhelmed happy sort of steady stream of tears flowing for the rest of the morning.

To briefly summarize the context of the teaching, we’re in a series called Disciple Maker, going through what it really means to live like a disciple so we can be disciples who make disciples who make disciples. Today’s focus was on loving like a family (previous weeks have been thinking like a missionary and living like a servant). We studied Genesis 12 and talked about Abraham, the father of the Israelites, God’s chosen family, the beginning of God’s redemptive story to make us all part of His family.

In Genesis 12: 2 God says to Abraham, “I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.”

And then he (my pastor) said the thing that I CAN NOT stop thinking about.

The blessing of God wasn’t any sort of anything that receives a hashtagblessed declaration on social media (my words, not my pastor’s, he doesn’t speak in as many hashtags as I do haha). God’s blessing wasn’t a thing or a feeling or even protection or provision (not that by definition those things don’t make us feel blessed).

God’s blessing to His people was this: “I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”

His blessing is His presence! Whether life is good, bad, ugly, messy, in seasons of want or plenty, we are overwhelmingly blessed by His presence.

God’s blessing isn’t just the husband or marriage I long for, God’s blessing is being aware of His presence and goodness even when I don’t have the spouse I long for.

God’s blessing isn’t the prefect marriage, God’s blessing is being aware of His goodness and presence even when it’s really hard AND when it’s really good.

God’s blessing isn’t a seemingly perfect unbroken family, it’s being aware of His presence and goodness even if your family is broken or non existent and recognizing the ways He places the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6) and inviting the lonely into your family, into His family.

God’s blessing isn’t life, the lives of loved ones, or our own lives, it’s being aware of God’s presence and goodness IN life, and being aware of God’s presence and goodness in death, in loss, in our weeping and mourning, in pain and sickness.

I’m so overwhelmed by the beautiful ways God has placed the lonely version of me into family after family after family. I’ve yet to spend a holiday alone even though I earth shatteringly fear that I will every time. Family after family that has no blood relation to me at all continues to invite me in and allow God to place the lonely in me into family. And that’s just one of the many ways His presence is a consistent blessing in my life.

We are His people. He has blessed us with His presence. But that’s not the end. He blesses us so we can bless others (Genesis 12:2). Blessing other isn’t just about finances and provisions, though we SHOULD share our resources with others. It’s also about recognizing all the ways God has been present in our messes, and loving the people surrounding us like that too.

I am #blessed. And so are you. May we never keep it to ourselves, may we invite others into the presence of God that we experience, may we bless others the way God blesses us, but inviting others into our lives, into our families, into His family.

Hello, 2015!

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Well, it’s only January 10th, but FINALLY posting my 2015 goals. If I didn’t want to make them pretty, have them on a printout to post important places that was pretty, and do a 2014 recap post, I could have posted these LONG ago. But it’s still closer to January 1st than January 31st so we’ll call it a success. 

A quick look at last year’s goals: 

  1. Take accountability deeper. (HAPPENED)
  2. Pay attention to food intake. (So-so, but really started to happen towards the end of the year via MyFitnessPal)
  3. Work out more. (DID NOT happen) 
  4. Read more – blogs and books. (Meh, sorta sometimes but not really)
  5. Connect more: A. In person, initiate hang outs with friends, text, call, respond more, and put away my phone when I’m with people. B. In the world wide web. Comment on blogs I read regularly. Be active in blog forums. Make blog friend connections. (HAPPENED)
  6. Write more – blogging and journal. (Did not happen)
  7. Spend time with Jesus and don’t stop. (HAPPENED, few rough patches but always went back)
  8. Pray for my friends, family, and future (job, husband, calling, dreams, etc). (HAPPENED) 
  9. Wear makeup more regularly. (DEFINITELY HAPPENED, thanks Ipsy)
  10. Buy less. (Hard to say, but did manage to save this year, so maybe? Def bought less nail polish)
  11. Tithe more. (HAPPENED, needs more consistency, but for sure happened)
  12. Live UP so I can be thankful for the living IN that increases more and more and be more motivated and prepared to live OUT. (Happened, but ALWAYS room for improvement) 
  13. I prefer even numbers, but if 13 is good enough for Taylor Swift, it’s good enough for me! Believe that I have enough of God’s grace and the ability to call on the Holy Spirit to make this (being trained to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live a more self-controlled, upright, and godly life) happen (In some areas for sure saw growth in this) 


As I mentioned in the Goodbye, 2014 post, IT WAS A GREAT YEAR! And I’m full of confidence that 2015 will be too. 


I’ve never done a word, or words, for the year, but I saw some friends doing it and REALLY loved the idea. Ya’ll know I’m NEVER good at being concise, so obviously I couldn’t narrow it down to just one word. My words for this year are FIGHT and LOVE. At first glance the two may seen to be opposites, but for me they aren’t at all. 

FIGHT – I want to passionately fight for myself and along with the Holy Spirit for my best life. Not some American dream best life, but a really believing Jesus is better and the better way to live, life that glorifies that Lord, life. I want to fight to live a holy and pure life in every was possible. I want to fight against my human nature, the flesh, like never before. This involves many things, but the biggest for this year is replacing habitual sin with a healthy stress relieving outlet that has proven to be the most effective thing (along with regular intimate time with Jesus) for me consistently resisting temptation- working out. Allow me to add a little note and say, this isn’t about rules or law or legalism or shoulds or shouldn’ts. This is about seeing the evidence in my own life that choosing to live a life that glorifies God, isn’t captive to sin, and fights to be pure is genuinely a more life-giving and better way to live. FIGHT! 

LOVE – My human nature can be a B-word ya’ll. Living with roommates for the first time in four years is refining me like WHOA! At my worst I’m mean, selfish, caddy, snappy, and the list goes on. I want to REALLY strive to love the people I really do love, way better. I also want to love the people I don’t love (yet), my neighbors. God’s put me in this place for this time and I haven’t even met most of my dang neighbors! I also want to love my coworkers well, my friends well, my family well, and my gospel family well. LOVE! 

I want to fight to love and I want to love to fight!

 


1. Forgive others and myself quickly. The struggle to harbor bitterness towards others and myself when they/I mess up, like all humans do, is REAL. (love and fight) 

2. React less, think more. There is a beast inside me called snappiness and it is vicious (especially before coffee, when tired after work, and well, often). (love and fight) 

3. Read more. Finish the books I’ve started. Attempt She Reads Truth Bible in a year plan. Read the blogs I follow more regularly. (fight) 

4. Resist, fight, flee from temptation like never before by being dedicated to cardio as a healthy outlet. From calendar journaling over the last two years I have been able to see there is a major connection for me between working out and resisting temptation and habitual sin. The one time in the last two years they I most consistently resisted some sins that entangle me was when I was in a boot camp. Bring on the intense cardio! (FIGHT)

5. Be more loving and kind (to my roommates, my friends, my family, and my neighbors). (love) 

6. Write more and learn to write at home and not need to be somewhere else. (fight) 

7. Make wise choices with money. Tithe consistently. Save monthly. Buy less. (love and fight?)

8. Give away time, resources, and talents more liberally. Feed people, share with people, bake for people, and more. (love) 

AND this year, I also copied my friend Megan, and added a goal for each month that are more specific ways to achieve my big goals. I love lists ya’ll. And I’m motivated by goals. 

January: Workout every day in January and beyond, goal – 66 days, not counting exclusion days. Exclusion(s): work + church Wednesdays and travelling days (for a wedding I’m making cakes for). Finish Let’s All Be Brave by Annie Downs. 

February: No drinking any sugar or artificial sugar. Exclusion(s): occasional hot cocoa on cold nights with roommates and pink coffee on Valentines Day.  Finish Love Does by Bob Goff. 

March: Bring neighbors and landlord baked goods. Clean out closet. Finish I Want God by Lisa Whittle. 

April: Call a grandparent every Sunday. Finish 1000 Gifts. Make 32 things birthday list. Finish Make It Happen by Laura Casey. 

May: Do 32 things (TBD, but for sure plant things, FINALLY make my fairy garden, and load a Starbucks card to gift Instagram followers with coffee). Finish A Million Little Ways by Emily Freeman. 

June: Invite a different family from church to dinner every Thursday.

July: Make ice cream in my barely used ice cream maker every Saturday.

August: Write coworkers notes with a new school year survival happy.

September: Memorize a chapter of scripture to cling to for November and the holidays.

October: Bring neighbors and landlord pumpkin bread. Buy a stranger coffee every Monday at Starbucks (favorite month deserves a little cheer spreading!).

November: Master a new baked good and TBD (hard month so will need extra).

December: Send Christmas cards. Bring neighbors cookies.

Goodbye, 2014

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Of course I want to write about my 2015 goals (that’s coming next, possibly even today) and the hopefulness of a new year to live, but I couldn’t let 2014 go without some reflection. It was a year full of transition and new things, full of growth, and full of beauty. It ended with my all time favorite New Year’s Eve I’ve ever had. Fancy food, sparkly clothes, beautiful friends, sparkly beverages in fancy glasses, a photo booth, packs and packs of sparklers, and a sleepover. At our New Year’s Eve sleepover with the lights out, in our pjs, and laying on our floor beds (aka air mattresses, but floor beds sounds more Gossip Girl-esque fancy), we took turns verbally reflecting on 2014 and spoke our focus(es) for 2015 out loud. My short summary for 2014 was it was my best year yet and every year continues to get better.

Two days later I had to get out of the house to get my 2015 goals on paper and had a moment where I knew with every fiber of my being that 2015 was going to be another best year yet. Spoiler alert: One of my 2015 goals is to work out, like for real. I joined the gym three days before the new year and had been every day since (at the time four, now eight!). The rain, a little soreness in my legs, my cozy bed, more episodes of Gossip Girl to be watched, and my tummy ache all gave pretty convincing arguments to stay in. Once I got the the gym, more cars being there than I’d seen yet also argued for me to go back home. But I didn’t. Once upon a time going into a crowded gym would have terrified me. But I went. Then I took myself on a lunch/afternoon reading/writing date to McAlister’s during lunch rush hour. As I sat in a booth by myself with my books and journals and pens, excited and happy as can be, I realized that I would have never done that, or gone to a crowded gym by myself, a couple of years ago.

Jesus changes everything. There is nothing more empowering that to realize you’re not who you once were and though you could name a million things you want to work on, you like who you are now enough to confidently walk into a crowded gym by yourself or take yourself on a lunch date during lunch rush hour. The more I accept and embrace Jesus’s love for me, the more loving myself feels natural. No self help book or makeover could do that for me, only Jesus’s unconditional, relentless, scandalous love for me could. That is why every year since Jesus has captivated my love and affection continues to be the best year yet despite bad days, messy days, hard days, and giving up days. So before I post about my goals, hopes, and dreams for a new year, I want to remember and recap the great year that just ended.

2014 Things:

  • I went three months without a car and had to learn to depend on people and let people help me
  • I jumped on the Downton Abbey train, binge watched, made cute tea sandwiches while I watched, and then realized I could never binge watch a full hour long show with no commercials again and quit Downton Abbey.
  • I watched Frozen more times that I can even count and meant to write a series of blog posts called “Life Lessons From Frozen” but never finished them.
  • I wore my hair in the shape of a heart for Valentine’s day (and will probably do it again this year).
  • I saw a vehicle two cars in front of me try to shoot at another vehicle.
  • In January I notified the job I had worked at for three years that also happened to come with an apartment that I would no longer be working there as of May.
  • I freaked out a lot about not knowing what job I was going to have in May or where I was going to live or who I was going to live with.
  • I watched God answer tons of prayers for my fellow coworkers who were also leaving and myself about jobs and places to live.
  • I baked a lot of cookies and cupcakes for a lot of different things.
  • I got to pray with a sweet girl named Jasmynn as she decided that following Jesus was the best way to live her life.
  • I said goodbye to a job and season of life that I loved where I got the mentor some of the most amazing girls I’ve ever met and watch them grow because I knew God was telling me that it was time to move on.

  • I started a new job and moved into a HOUSE!
  • I turned 31 and had a magical fairy garden birthday party involving fairy snacks and watching Hook on a big sheet stapled to my house in the backyard.
  • I said “see you later” to people who had truly become my family and some of my best friends (my fellow RDs) as we all parted ways.
  • I watched God answer my prayers for roommates who would be like a family and provide accountability in unexpected ways (and get to live with two friends I’ve know for 10 and 12 years!).
  • I fell even more in love with my church family.
  • I liked a guy and he kind of maybe sometimes liked me back and we sort of went on dates that weren’t really dates and then I got confused and decided I liked being single more than being confused.
  • I experienced beautiful, deep, loving accountability.
  • I came back to Jesus a lot.
  • I learned more about living on mission and for the Gospel.
  • I met two new friends who are now my besties and I can’t imagine life without them.
  • I was a jerk, a lot.
  • I learned a lot about myself from living with people for the first time in 5ish years, and it was and continues to be a messy and refining journey.
  • I stopped being afraid of selfies.
  • I started wearing makeup semi-regularly as opposed to only on special occasions.
  • My nail polish collection traveled to the 300s and I finally stopped buying so much nail polish.
  • I got 5 new tattoos (current total is 9).
  • I had a freakish 3 day sickness where my lips and fingers turned blue.
  • I braved church on Father’s Day for the first time since I lost my dad.
  • I finally learned how to save money.
  • I started a college girls’ group with my roommate and aforementioned new besties to love on and invest in a younger generation of women.
  • I hosted a Welcome Autumn Party to ring in the first day of fall.
  • I acquired a really awesome firepit thanks to my brother and with my roommates created an amazing backyard space.
  • I had a lot of dinner dates, coffee dates, and girls’ nights with all the amazing ladies in my life.
  • I had another magical October 14th, one of the best yet.
  • I got asked to be in a fashion show (and chickened out).
  • I survived another November, my hard month.
  • I got to spend Christmas with another friend’s amazing family.
  • I WENT TO HARRY POTTER WORLD and took myself on my first real vacation as an adult.

I realized way more days than I didn’t that I love my life even with the hard stuff, even though I screw up, even though I’m single, I LOVE MY LIFE! I love my life because though I still stray from my Savior, I always go back. Though I still am a sinful mess, I don’t live in a pit of self-condemnation and shame anymore. I’m free. My life is abundantly full, the hard days make me aware of my need for my Savior, and that makes life beautiful.

Cheers to you 2014. You were a great year!

Thankful Thursday (Week 3)

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It’s Friday eve! Being crazy and attempting some more of this consistency with weekly thankfuls recap again (week 1 here, week 2 here). What has you feeling warm fuzzy thankfulness?


November 13th: 

61. cold weather (I really love it!)

62. leggings

63. warm tortillas

64. a swanky new coffee tumbler

65. CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS (and the warm fuzzies they give me)

November 14th: 

66. a solo three hour road trip for maximum car singing time

67. Total Woman U (our meeting tonight, our mission, the team aka my family, our goals and dreams, etc)

68. hugs 

69. the Holy Spirit

70. that my phone didn’t die when I dropped I in my soup at dinner.

November 15th: 

71. chapstick

72. joggers (trendy name for baggy but somehow cute-ish sweat pants)

73. meeting people who really live for the gospel by doing things like uprooting their comfortable lives to live on mission in an area most people would be fearful of

74. blueberry scones

75. being with non-pretentious amazing friends while encountering pretentious hipsters.

November 16th: 

76. hearing Myles Manuel pray for his future adopted sister and brother at children’s church this morning

77. Hazel cuddles

78. help from my roommate in the kitchen for the Thanksgiving dinner for our college girls (as well as company from her and her sister while I did my least favorite chore – hanging clothes)

79. hosting a house full of people (14!)

80. that so many of the college girls we get to hang out with came to Arise this morning and to our Thanksgiving dinner tonight

November 17th: 

81. my red coat

82. She Reads Truth

83. an understanding boss

84. therapeutic tears

85. heated car seats

November 18th: 

(Note: November 18th was the anniversary of my dad’s death. I wanted to attempt to be extra thankful on a hard day.)

86. the texts, facebook messages, and prayers of so many friends

87. an amazing department who understands that grief is worthy of a sick day too

88. hot cocoa with peppermint marshmallows (PINK HOT COCOA)

89. a cozy sweatshirt

90. friends who make me plan a dinner to celebrate my dad at the place he always wanted to go when he came to visit me in Clinton, MargaritERs (yep, that’s how he said it)

91. how my dad selflessly took care of so many people

92. that my dad gave his life to Jesus and prayed for me and my brother everyday

93. that my dad taught me to save money (even though I just recently put it into practice) and avoid credit cards (I’d be terrible at them)

94. that my dad never gave up on people

95. that I never stop missing my dad regardless of the years that pass by without him

November 19th: 

96. pumpkin donut muffins

97. blogging mojo

98. the warm fuzzies writing provides

99. my new tiny bow necklace, Wednesday nights (Missional community AND friend Nashville watching)

100. unexpected happy mail

Thankful Thursday (Week 2)

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Happy almost Friday! Just attempting some consistency and my weekly thankfuls recap again (week 1 here). What has you feeling warm fuzzy thankfulness? 



November 6th: 

26. the big truck in front of me on the way to work this morning that stirred up a magical trail of leaves to flutter in front of me all the way to Hinds 

27. technology like myfitnesspal and pedometer apps that make making healthier choices seem less overwhelming

28. project starfish

29. 105.1’s 24/7 Christmas music

30. realizing in my blogging absence somehow my page views crossed the 200,000 mark (WHAT?!).

November 7th: 

31. gold glitter pointy toe flats that cost $9

32. crisp air

33. that I live in the real life version of Stars’ Hollow

34. the ability to fight lies

35. a cozy bed

November 8th:

36. new dangly earrings

37. NEW FLOORS

38. house groceries being finished until after thanksgiving

39. cutest picture with Hazel Taylor ever

40.  Harry Potter themed birthday parties

November 9th: 

41. how free I feel to weep on Sundays with my gospel family 

42.  that bath and body works makes candles that smell like hugging attractive men (mahogany teakwood, sparkling icicles, black tie, sweater weather, flannel, etc) AND that they are 2 for $22 right now

43. a roommate teamwork productive afternoon getting our house back together after renovations, 

44. crockpots (and the best/easiest potato soup recipe ever) 

45. God giving me a prayer inspired by the message today to pray through these not so easy grief days and holiday days of missing my dad. “I pray that I would stay in my pain and grief, standing in your glory, clinging to the faith and hope that you are better, instead of running to and back to temptations that entangle, numb, and hide the pain.”

November 10th:

46. the cure for most ailments and aches being rest and the luxury of having a job that comes with sick time to partake of healing rest (made my back mad at me, no biggie, it’s feeling better now)

47. clean sheets

48. dinner at the table

49. Tyler Florence (he is a beautiful man to watch cook)

50. planning holiday party/meal food offerings

November 11th: 

51. new mercies

52. friends I can reach out to about ugly temptations who never judge but rise up to pray and fight with me

53. positive responses to a cheesy work thanksgiving brunch idea/email

54. an accountability group that’s so life giving that even when I think I don’t want to go or talk because I’m too emotional and having a heavy grief day, I still go because we love each other in our messes so much that I can talk and cry and they love and give and ask the right questions that make me feel loved and never judged

55. for the patience of amazing roommates who handle my moods and ocd tendencies way more graciously than I deserve!

Side note: I’m quite thankful that so many of my thankfuls are about the amazing people in my life. Today was an unexpectedly emotionally hard day grief day (that I’m actually also thankful for) and precisely the reason why I needed to establish a pattern of focusing on giving thanks for big things, small things, deep things, and silly things.


November 12th: 

56. how beautiful Clinton Raymond road is on my drive to and from work

57. recipe creativity success

58. memories

59. that googling deskercise produced lots of ideas that have now left me a little sore

60. cvs clearance nail polish

Thankful Thursday (Week 1)

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Remember that time I used to post things on my blog? Oops.

Hey y’all, my long lost blog and the few people who didn’t give up on me and still read my words. I could say a bunch of things about the lack of posting and make promises I probably can’t keep, but I won’t. I’m just gonna say…

Hey. I missed you. How are you? Let’s be friends again.

Also, remember that time I posted this post about thankfulness last January and had big dreams of being intentionally thankful all year? For the most part that didn’t happen guys. I will say that “project” helped me focus on positivity vs. negativity, which is a total victory to celebrate. BUT, as far as intentionally taking time to be consistently thoughtfully thankful for things big and small, it didn’t happen.

It’s November, so naturally people are on the thankful bandwagon again. At first, I resisted. But, I decided I don’t want to miss an opportunity to be intentionally thankful for a month even if it’s trendy, cliche, or cheesy. Who the heck cares?! Taking time to shift how we think about life and add positivity is good for us whether it’s a bandwagon thing or not. My “make your own rules” mentality tries to skip bandwagons sometimes, but sometimes, it’s also just called pride. November is a hard month for me, my hardest (anniversary of my Dad’s death + holiday season without him). I started to post ALL of this, and my catching up for the days I resisted, on Facebook. But something about it felt more flashy than genuine and less like an accountability effort to actually do it and more about showing off my list making skills.

Therefore, today I’m sharing my catching up list and my goals with you guys. Somehow this feels more genuine and I’m okay with that. My goal is five thankfuls a day. I will be writing them in my journal and possibly posting them on Facebook most days. Why Facebook? Well, I like sharing and think social media if used correctly (not as a crutch, not as an isolation tool, not as false sense of community/community substitute, not as an addiction, and not to compare or be mean) can make our community richer and help spur one another one. I also might post them as a weekly round up here. Maybe I’ll steal the clever and catchy Thankful Thursday. Maybe. Regardless of where I share, or if I share, or if I skip a few days or a week, my goal isn’t to check it off my to do list, though I do love a good check mark. My goal is to preach positivity to myself in a month that comes with some pain and heartache. My goal is to be thankful for deep things and shallow things, big things and small things, fun things, silly things, growth things, hard things, ALL THE THINGS! Join me if you wish, but if anytime is a time to intentionally give thanks, November kind of easily sets itself up for that in America, but for me personally, my November needs this. And now, let’s catch up! 

 
November 1st: 

1. new tattoos/tattoo viewing crew 

2. the Babalu burger 

3. the coolest temperatures of fall so far 

4. Mallory and how pleasant and fun she makes getting new tattoos 

5. a working heater 
 
November 2nd: 

6. a church family that serves together 

7. being in dirty “work clothes” at McAlisters amongst lots of “church clothes” 

8. cast iron skillets 

9. cheap apple season 

10. our growing group of college girls 
 
November 3rd: 

11. caramel brulee lattes 

12. red cups at Starbucks 

13. meal planning 

14. days of the week notepads 

15. a fun night with my roommates 
 
November 4th: 

16. colorful fountain pens 

17. my new lunch box 

18. Dollar General lunch breaks (it’s the only store I’m not scared to go in in Raymond and I actually love it) 

19. texts from my best friend 

20. my amazing DNA group 
 
November 5th: 

21. breakfast meetings at Chick-Fil-A 

22. work encouragement/purpose 

23. #fireworkpeople 

24. seeing Arise Church traditions form (2nd Halloween party and 2nd Rake it to the Streets just happened and super pumped about our 2nd Thanksgiving dinner for people in our community) 

25. looking temptation in the face and saying no, you don’t win today! 

Birthday Convictions, Reflections, and Transparency

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This started out as a Facebook post and was becoming a VERY long! I decided to post it here in this neglected space instead. In case you didn’t know, today is my 31st birthday! Before 8 am I was already blown away by the kindness of the people God has placed in my life. My super awesome Fairy Garden birthday party is taking place on Saturday. I think birthdays should always fall on weekends! Weekday birthdays when you aren’t celebrating until the after, or before even, confuse you on how to feel about your real birthday! Okay, maybe it doesn’t confuse you, but it confuses me! Some people don’t like or care about birthdays. I however love them! So it’s always an emotional struggle when my birthday celebration isn’t on my birthday. I’m incapable of not caring about either day, real birthday or postponed birthday. Selfish right?? I believe in transparency so I’m all about sharing the ugly sides with you too. And this sinful selfishness is admittedly an ugly side. So all that to say, I have some birthday thoughts/reflections already this morning. 

It’s been a great day already and most of that greatness happened before 8 am. I was convinced it wouldn’t be a good day, but now I’m convinced it will continue to be. I’ll likely share a play by play via social media all day, but first, I really want to be cheesy and attribute this birthday happiness to someone else. I know myself REALLY well! I know my triggers and patterns. I’ve been praying since Sunday that I wouldn’t be a jerk on my birthday. I know I’m sinfully selfish. I know I love birthdays. I knew spending the day at a new job with people who don’t know me yet or that it’s my birthday had the potential to make me feel lonely and therefore sour. I also knew that postponing birthday celebrations until Saturday meant my actual birthday might not feel special. I also knew if I was a jerk to my friends for not making me feel special (see?? narcissistic, sinful, selfish, being real here!), I’d feel like an even bigger jerk come birthday party day when they would be so kind and supportive and celebratory. I was prepared for a foul day. How silly! 

As I was driving to work praying after spending not nearly as much time as I would have liked to spend with Jesus, the song I’m currently obsessed with, “You Make Me Brave” by Bethel Music, came on as it does every morning so far on my drive. I always am moved by the lyric, “You call me out beyond the shore into the waves.” But today I was moved to tears by the lyric, “Your love wave after wave, crashes over me. For you are for us, you are not against us.” As I was already overwhelmed with the love of the friends He’s given me crashing over me, I was even more overwhelmed with His love! As selfish as I am, and as minor as something like a birthday is, of course He didn’t want me to have a bad birthday! 

One of the most meaningful things I learned while at seminary was brought to mind. It wasn’t from a lecture or a book, it was from a simple short devotion a professor delivered to our class. He talked about Jesus’ first miracle of turning water into wine at the wedding banquet. Of all the miracles He did, a fairly simple one in comparison. But our professor made the very memorable point that it mattered to Mary, so it mattered to Jesus. She cared about that banquet. As a good hostess, she was stressed out about running out of wine to serve her guests (my inner hostess totally understands)! And because it mattered to Mary, it mattered to Jesus. The little things we care about, matter to Him too! I poured my heart out in genuine prayer, not asking for a good day, but just asking that I wouldn’t be a sinful selfish jerk to my friends, and He answered! Bring your little things to Him too, He really does care. 

(Disclaimer, I did not irresponsibly type this at work at my new job! I typed it at Starbucks from my phone. I just ran out of time to press send before I had to drive. Therefore, I pressed send from my phone whilst taking a bathroom break. TMI? Oh well.)

Weight Watchers A to Z

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Remember a million years ago when I was doing Weight Watchers and lost 43 lbs and posted all the time about it and was kinda obsessed with it? Well, this week I joined again! Long story short – wanted to lose 100 lbs, lost 43, almost half way there, dad got sick for a while then passed away, grief, stress, lost motivation, gained all but 10 of those 43 lbs back. I’m in a great place emotionally, better than I’ve ever been, more reliant on God and the power of the Holy Spirit in my life than I’ve ever been, and I prayed one day last week about having more energy, being healthier, and positive stress relieving outlets. The prayer wasn’t about losing weight, it was about wanting to be the best version of me that I could be. I asked the Holy Spirit to give me supernatural motivation to workout and said if losing weight can happen and me not get obsessed with it or discouraged by the journey then I need Holy Spirit level supernatural power for that too. That day my place of employment sent out an email saying they needed two more people to sign up for Weight Watchers at Work to be able to start the program. I knew I was supposed to be one of those people. I signed up and that afternoon I worked out for the first time since I hurt my back this past August. A million years ago when I did Weight Watchers, I started a post called Weight Watchers A to Z. I never posted it because I wasn’t practicing Weight Watchers principles anymore. But now… I’M BACK! And back with much excitement and motivation I might add. So I thought I’d finish and post this post as a refresher to myself on the things that worked for me before, and maybe even a help and encouragement to others. 

 

This will probably be cheesy at times, but you’re use to that because that’s just me. I have thought of every tip and trick I can think of to share, and therefore, this will be LONG. (But full of helpful, useful info, so long is okay right?)

 
1. The NEED TO KNOW WW Blog: Skinny Taste! This blog is a life saver! She posts at least 3 recipes a week and they are all REALLY good and have no weird ingredients. A lot of healthy eating food blogs use weird ingredients like tofu, blech! I want to be able to cook with stuff I’m familiar with and like and she helps achieve that goal. I have made and fed her recipes to lots of people and they always love it. She posts everything! Sweets, pasta dishes, holiday favorites, everything. And she always included the points for each meal. 
 
2. Other great WW friendly blogs:
3. Use Pinterest! Go to Pinterest and type in Weight Watchers. A ton of recipes will come up. There is a big Weight Watchers community on Pinterest. Also… Instagram! Search the hastag #weightwatchers and be inspired by all the other people doing this right along with you and their fantastic meal and snack ideas. 

4. Calculating: To be a dedicated tracker (and you must be for WW to work!), you need a points calculation tool. You can buy the point plus calculator at your WW meeting or from the WW site ($14). You can also sign up for eTools ($15 a month). OR, you can buy a “copy cat” app. I had a calculator, but I lost it! I had eTools for over 2 years, but it actually hurts me more than it helps me (I need to actually go through the process of writing out my points and food on the traditional paper tracker). So I did some research and found an app called Ultimate Value Diary. It does allow you to track your points in the app, but I don’t use it for that. It comes with a points plus calculator function, an activity calculator function, a how many points you get calculator function, a bar code scanner function, and a meal builder function. It was $3.99 and I use it multiple times a day. I’m not advocating for not supporting WW, but I pay for my weekly meetings, and paid for eTools for 2+ years and never used it! So I personally don’t feel bad about using this app. If you do, I support you! Try one of the other methods, but the point is… you need to be able to calculate and you HAVE to track. 
 
5. Quick Tips:
  • Take your points plus calculator to the store with you. Compare things before you decide what to buy. Once you get used to what options are best you won’t need to do this likely! 
  • Once you’ve calculate how many points something is in your fridge or pantry, write it on the container. Later on once you’ve memorized things you won’t need to do this, but it’s REALLY helpful in the beginning. 
  • Buy a cheap food scale at Wal-mart or Target. The food book will say this many points for 4 oz chicken breast, etc. If you guess on how many ounces something is you’re usually wrong. I bought mine for less than 15 dollars at Target. 
  • Make sure you have a good set of measuring cups. The scoop measuring cups like these are easiest. They also sale 1 cup and 1/2 cup measuring spoons at the meetings, which I love. But the scoop cups will work just as well. When it says 1 cup of pasta, 1 cup or rice, 1/4 cup or this or a 1/2 cup of that per serving, measure it out! Don’t guess. 
  • Don’t take the things you love away! Modify them or make space for them. The Weight Watchers motto is that it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle. Success comes when you don’t feel like you are keeping your self from things. I bake something usually at least once a week! I use Weight Watchers sites and recipes and do healthier things, but they are still just as yummy and a treat. Even your favorite candy isn’t off limits. 10 M & Ms are 1 point! 1 Dove Chocolate square is 1 point. Don’t deprive! 
 
Quick Tip – Cut off the top of a kiwi and eat/scoop it with a spoon! 
 
6. Breakfast: ALWAYS eat breakfast. It’s proven that people who eat breakfast loose more weight, make better food choices, and splurge less. Some ideas that I love: 
  • I actually blogged about breakfast ideas the last time I did this: http://www.kasiaskitchen.com/2011/06/perfect-summer-wake-up.html
  • Greek Yogurt – This is my go to. It’s easy and comes prepackaged for you! I always thought I hated yogurt, and I do hate normal yogurt, but I love Greek yogurt. Points vary by brand, but 90% of the time a container of Greek yogurt and some sort of fruit is my breakfast of choice. 
  • Crustless Quiches or Egg Muffins – I’ve made minis and regular sized muffins. The minis are 1 point for 2. The biggies are 2 points each. 
  • Banana Pancake Muffins – These are also good to freeze and keep on hand for breakfast. They are 3 points for 4. 
  • Frozen Waffles – I like the multi grain frozen waffles. They are 3 points for 2 and I usually spread them with Nutella or peanut butter if I’m on the go. If I have time to sit down I’ll use Mrs. Butterworths sugar free syrup and some yogurt butter. 
  • Oatmeal – I only like to eat oatmeal when it’s cold outside, but it’s a good, filling, low point breakfast. Just be careful which packets you get. Always check points before buying. 
  • Overnight Oats – Aka cold oatmeal. Yummy, healthy, delicious, and so filling! I have recipes here and here. They range from 7 – 10 points. 
  • Fruit Parfaits – Yogurt, cottage cheese, and fruit yumminess. 
  • Breakfast Burritos – 5 points each and VERY filling. You can make them ahead and freeze them! I like things like that. 
  • Bagel and Cream Cheese – Mini bagels or bagel thins are 3 points each. There are lots of varieties of spreadable cream cheese. 1 tbsp of reduced fat is 1 point. You buy a container of the reduced fat plain or just a block of reduced fat plain (whichever is cheaper) and make you owm cream cheese variations. I’ve done cinnamon (cinnamon and sugar to taste added in and whipped up). I also love pumpkin spice.
  • Breakfast Sandwich – Whole wheat reduced calorie English muffins are 3 points. I toast them, add 3 slices of deli ham for 1 point, and add a piece of reduced fat cheese for 1 and microwave it for 25 seconds. It’s a fake healthy McMuffin type thing. You can also use Oscar Mayer Fully Cooked bacon (2 points for 4 slices!)
  • Cereal – I do like cereal in the summer and spring time because it’s light and cold. Special K varieties are usually good, about 3 points per cup. I’m sure Kashi is good. But my secret favorite is Kroger brand bagged puffed wheat! It’s like sugar smacks without the sugar and 1 cup is 1 point! I usually have 2 cups, add some splenda, 1/2 cup milk, and strawberries or a banana chopped in it. Total it’s 3 points! 2 for the cereal, 1 for the milk. 
  • Fruit – Add fruit. I always always have some fruit item with whatever breakfast I have. It’s 0 points and you are required to get in 5-8 servings of fruit or vegetables a day. I basically eat one or the other with every meal or snack. I also love to take splenda sweetened or no sugar added fruit cups (0 points) and top them with 1/4 cup of fat free or low fat cottage cheese (1 point). 
  • Toast –  I like cinnamon toast for 2 points (2 slices of reduced calorie bread for 2 points. Spray each side with Parkay spray butter for 0 points. Sprinkle with Splenda and cinnamon 0 points). I also like Nutella or peanut butter toast (2 slices of reduced calorie bread for 2 points. 1/2 tbsp of peanut butter or Nutella for 2 points).
  • Banana sandwich – Really filling. 2 slices of reduced calorie bread toasted (2 points). Spread with 1/2 tbsp of peanut butter or 1/2 tbsp Nutella (2 points). Slice a banana and build the sandwich. 4 points total.  
  • Weight Watchers shakes – You can buy the packets from the class. They are 2 points if you use water, 4 if you use skim milk. I like the chocolate, but they do have other flavors too. I always use milk to get in my 2 dairy servings for the day. I have made mine in the blender with frozen strawberries as ice cubes. I’ve also made them with 1 cup of ice and 3 tsp of instant coffee granules. Mocha frappe-ish. 
  • Egg Mugs – These are really good and very easy! You can find tons of recipes here, here, here, here, or here. Hungry Girl does these and most are 2-3 points depending on what ingredients you add. It’s scrambled eggs in a cub basically. My favorite ways are with sundried tomato basil laughing cow cheese and either bacon bits or sliced deli turkey meat and green onions. I always add salt, pepper and onion powder to mine too. 
  • Boiled Eggs – 2 points each
 
7. Lunches: Lunch is hard! The key to doing well at lunch is planning and doing things ahead. Eating out is not recommended, BUT doable if you plan for it. I’ll post eating out tips later. 
  • Sandwiches – I did a post about sandwiches and great sandwich topping and additions:  http://www.kasiaskitchen.com/2011/03/grilled-cheese-and-jesus.html. Sandwiches can be great if you don’t let them get boring. Most deli meat is pretty low fat. I get the 99.6 or 8 or something fat free ones. The thin sliced turkey, chicken, or ham are usually 1 point for 4-6 slices depending on the brand. I prefer the Land O’Frost brand. Add veggies like lettuce, tomatoes, onions, or cucumbers for free. I love the sandwich slider pickles. Dill pickles are 0 points. I also enjoy thinly sliced apple, like super super thin, on my sandwiches some times too. Laughing Cow cheese has lots of great varieties for 1 point a wedge to spread on. Weight Watchers also has 1 point spreadable wedge cheese. Reduced fat sliced cheese isn’t bad either. 1-2 points a slice. Mustard is free! There are so many great varieties of mustard. Dijionaise is free to add a little creaminess. Fat free mayo (a tbsp or less) is also free if you need to have mayo on your sandwiches.
  • Chicken Salad – On Sundays before the work week starts I often mix up a batch of chicken salad and/or tuna salad to use for lunches. DON’T use premade and don’t make it the “normal” mayo heavy way. I buy the big cans (13 oz) of chicken breast from Sam’s in a 5 pack or something. You can buy the 13 oz cans anywhere though. I mix that with 2 tbsp of Kraft Fat Free mayo, 2 tbsp of fat free sour cream (you can also use greek yogurt), 1/2 cup of grapes sliced, 1/4 cup chopped celery, 1 tbsp of dill relish, salt, pepper, a little sage, and some green onions. It makes 4 hearty helpings for sandwiches and is 4 points per serving. 
  • Tuna Salad – I mix 1 can of drained tuna, 2 chopped hard boiled eggs, 2 tbsp of fat free mayo, 2 tsp of mustard, 2 tbsp chopped onion, 1 tbsp of dill relish. Makes 2 servings. 4 points per serving.
  • Avocado Chicken Salad – I’m always obsessed with this when avocados are in season. Recipe here. Use one avocado instead of 2. It makes 4 servings and is 6 points a serving. It’s great on a sandwich or on a salad. 
  • Salads – Salads are great but kind of complicated to bring to work as you need so many containers to not wilt lettuce and such. And then I discovered this idea! I didn’t make mine like hers, but definitely borrowed the idea! Mine looked like this. The key is making sure the dressing doesn’t touch the lettuce. I layer mine with dressing (most low calorie and fat free varieties are pretty good), onions, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes, mushrooms, reduced fat cheese, chicken, and then salad greens. I used spinach for one and and romaine for the other. They keep for up to 5 days in the fridge. I made a couple on Sunday for lunches for the week. I usually have shredded chicken on hand that I make in the crock pot for salads and recipes, but I also buy bagged precooked chopped chicken from Kroger in the frozen section sometimes. I warm it up in a skillet with some cooking spray and Tony’s. 
  • Sides – Veggies, veggies, veggies! I always bring sliced cucumbers, carrot chips, grape tomatoes, or bell pepper. I often bring a dill pickle spear. All zero points. Every two weeks or so I mix up fat free ranch dip (16 oz container of fat free sour cream, dry ranch packet, mix in the container, 1 point for 1/4 cup). I bring a 1/4 cup of the ranch dip or to dip veggies in to make them more enjoyable. A couple of tbsp of hummus is 2-3 points and good with veggies too. Veggie chips or straws (from Sam’s) are good and usually 3 points for 20 or so. Special K chips are 3 points for 30. Normal chips are 3 points for 15 or less. Stay away. 
  • Leftovers are great too. Just be sure to portion them out and know what you’re eating. (I probably bring leftovers more for lunch than anything else.)
  • Smart Ones frozen meals put Weight Watchers points right on the package. There are other varieties of healthy frozen meals that are low in points too (Healthy Choice, Leah Cuisine, the Great Value healthy options). I like making homemade things too much to eat these often, but in the beginning I did eat them for lunches just because it was so easy (and I didn’t know all the tips I’m sharing with you yet). 
8. Dinner Tips:
  • Plan plan plan plan! I can’t stress that enough. Weight Watchers will be a breeze if you plan. I am an avid meal planner. I post my meal plans every Monday(ish) and wrote a long post on the basics and reasons for meal planning (go here). If you have a recipe builder or meal builder, you can easily figure out how many points your meals and dishes are per serving. You can do it by hand also (add total ingredients and points for everything and then divide by serving size). 
  • Chicken breasts are your friends. Tilapia (or any fish) is your friend. Ground turkey is your friend! I pretty much use ground turkey in the place of any recipe that calls for ground beef. I buy chicken breasts at Sam’s and tilapia there too. Lean meats are lower in points.
  • Swap things out. Use whole grain pasta (Wal-mart and Kroger have cheaper store brands). Use wild rice or brown rice (I still use white rice too though). I still use white flour, but I always keep wheat flower on hand and usually do half and half. I still use sugar, but I substitute Splenda in a lot of things. 
 
Find awesome reusable containers that meet your snacking needs! 
 
9. Snack Smart: Don’t use all your points on meals. Snacks are important. Try to do at least 2 snacks a day. I usually try to keep it to 2 points or less, but sometimes up to 4. I’ll share a few ideas. 
  • FRUIT! It’s free. I include it in almost every snack. Add fat free cool whip to strawberries. Bananas sustain! 
  • Boiled Eggs – they stick with you!
  • Almonds – 1/4 cup is 4 points but they really do last you all afternoon on hunger level AND they are a healthy oil and protein
  • Veggies and Ranch Dip or Hummus
  • Healthier Chips – Special K, Veggie Straws, Etc. 
  • Microwave Mini Cake – 5 points
  • Edamame – 3 points for the individual portioned bags from Sam’s
  • Frozen Yogurt Bites
  • Granola Bar
  • Crackers and Cheese – 5 saltine crackers are only 2 points, I usually have 8 with two slices of reduced fat cheese, melt for a few seconds, quick easy snack
  • Deli meat – 4-6 slices are 1 point! Have a few slices with some grapes 
  • Reduced fat cheese stick
 
Cut up fruits and veggies for easy snacking access. 
 
10. Eating Out: Eating out is part of life! It happens, it’s fun, it’s social. Plan ahead. Most places have menus online. Don’t be afraid to ask to have your meal differently. At Margarita’s my order is so complicated but they do it [mostly] willingly (Fajita Taco Salad, no shell, extra lettuce, no cheese sauce, shredded cheese, sour cream, and guacamole on the side). At Red Lobster (the one time I’ve eaten there in 4 years), I asked them to prepare mine without butter. They listen! Don’t be scared. A tip they always tell you at meetings is to ask for a to go box as soon as you get your food. Split it in half before you eat it and take the rest home. Applebee’s actually has Weight Watchers items on their menu with points listed. There are a couple online resources that have points calculate for many popular restaurants as well. 
 
11. Favorite Products: These are some of my favorite products that I’ve discovered while doing Weight Watchers
  • Wal-mart Brand Splenda – Cheaper than regular
  • Oscar Mayer Full Cooked Bacon – Microwaveable, center cut so less fat, 2 points for 4 slices
  • Fat Free Cottage Cheese – I could never eat it by itself, I add it to baked potatoes, fruit, and salads
  • Fat Free Sweet Condensed Milk – 1 point per tablespoon. I love to drizzle it over strawberries or as an icing glaze on the microwavable cake
  • Fat Free Cool Whip – Walmart doesn’t have a generic brand but Kroger does. 2 tbsp is 0 points. Great on fruit or desserts
  • Fat Free Kraft Mayo – Perfect for dips and salads. 2 tbsp is 0 points
  • Fat Free Greek Yogurt – great to use in place of sour cream or mayo in recipes. 2 tbsp is 0 points 1/4 cup is 1
  • Fat Free Sour Cream – great for dips and adding dollups to things, 2 tbsp is 0 points, 1/4 cup is 1 
  • Brummel & Brown Yogurt Butter – 1 tbsp is 1 point
  • Parkay Spray Butter – O points! Great on toast or baked potatoes
  • Fat Free Salad Dressings – Kraft has lots, they are usually 1 point for 2 tbsp
  • Sugar Free Pudding & Jello – Buy the box and make the mixes. Sugar free pudding is 2 points per serving and sugar free jello is 0
  • Grape Tomatoes – I live on these things. I get the big box of them from Sam’s and it’s $5 for a lot. They are much more expensive at the groceries stores. 
  • Strawberries
  • Angel Food Cake Mix – Lightest easiest cake around. I make it into trifles, add crushed pineapple to it, top it with spelnda sweetened strawberries and fat free cool whip. 
  • Cocoa Roasted Almonds
  • Reduced Fat Cheese Sticks – I get Sargento 2% Cheddar ones, 2 points each
  • Kellog’s Fiber Plus Bars – 4 points but good fiber and filling

Transformational Jesus Time

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In case you didn’t know, I also manage another blog and blog along with seven other women for an organization called Total Woman U. Each of the eight of us submit one post a month for the blog. My first post was a two part post about something I’m very passionate about – having transformational and consistent time with Jesus. I’d love for you to read the posts and get to know my heart a little more!

Transformational Jesus Time: Part 1

Sneak Peak: I was motivated to read my Bible every day so I could check it off of a list, because doing the things on that list seemed to be the opposite of spending eternity in a fiery pit.  I was motivated by a “supposed to”, not by love (love for my Savior, and believing and understanding His love for me.) 

Tranformational Jesus Time: Part 2

Sneak Peak: Stop believing lies.  Let your Savior woo you back to Him.  Don’t be motivated by a “supposed to” or check off list.  Be motivated by your Savior’s complete, beautiful love for you.  When someone loves us that much, and we actually believe it, giving Him a little bit of time can become natural and not a hassle.  God knows you.  He made you.  He knows what you need, how your brain works, and wants you to love and enjoy spending time with Him.  Start today. 

#SheSharesTruth Psalm 38

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Confession. When I read this passage on Monday when SheReadsTruth announced it as the reflective passage for the upcoming SheSharesTruth on Friday, I was unaffected. In that moment, I felt I had it all together. I had given up something for Lent, messed up once towards the beginning, repented, and felt like my heart was in the right place. I even felt lead to add another thing, and it was going well too. I made a note in the journaling margin of my handy ESV Journaling Bible that read, “So good for those moments when we have to come back again because we went away again.” And I was good. And my heart was right. I decided I had nothing to share for SheSharesTruth this week. But then…

For two days I unintentionally stopped remembering why I was fasting from things: to depend on God to heal my wounds – big and little – instead of relying on other things that bring me a therapeutic sense of security in some way. So quickly I went away again and needed to come back again. I thought myself to be fickle, incapable of fasting from the things I cling to for 40 days. I had mentally decided, not verbally admitted, that I was giving up on my Lent callings.

Last night, I hung out with a college friend I haven’t been active friends with since college until now. In college, I still operated in a shame based identity. Because I’m so open and transparent about most things now, I sometimes forget that people I knew then don’t know many of the things about me that people I’ve met sense do. I unhesitatingly shared many things about my childhood and family without emotion, not emotionally closed off or anything, I am just so far removed, that it’s normal to talk about. My friend, fighting back tears, said that she wished she had known these things about me, my life, and my family in college. She often thought no on else had been through things like she had. She said it made so much sense, the way I’m different now, released from all of the shame. In my sleepiness, I was thankful, but not reflective enough to be fully moved.

I sat down this morning at my normal Starbucks table, determined to come back and not give up on my Lent calling to fast. I was reminded of Psalm 38. I began to fight back tears and spill my coffee as I reached for it in an attempt to distract myself from crying [again] at Starbucks. I knew that what on Monday I decided not to write about, today I needed to write about. I was back in one of “those moments” needing to come back again because I went away again.

My sin, my iniquities…

“like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.” Psalm 38:4b

“I am feeble and crushed. I groan because of the tumult of my heart.” Psalm 38:8

“O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart throbs; my strength fails me.” Psalm 38: 9-10a

Utterly aware of my weakness and need to return, I was reminded of last night’s conversation with my friend and able to process how far away from chaos God has taken me, how much He’s done. I have been released. I wrote on the coffee and tear stained pages of my journal, “Why do I live in THAT [chaos, lacking control, the past, being characterized by who I was and how I was raised and how I should have turned out] place when You have brought me so far?! I am released to run after You!”

“But for you, O Lord, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.” Psalm 38:15

“I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin.” Psalm 38:18

And then Ellie Holcomb’s song Marvelous Light in perfect timing had it’s turn on shuffle and filled my ears with even more applicable truth.

“I am not who I once was, define by all the things I’ve done [and things I used to believe]. Afraid my shame would be exposed. Afraid of really being known. But then you gave my heart a home. From fear of shame into the hope of life.”

Friends, we are released! Free from shame, free from the past, free from lies. Yes, we mess up and need to come back often, but we’re free! We GET to come back. We are released to run after Him!